According to Buddhism, the source of emotional suffering is craving. The word ‘addiction’ could be substituted for craving if that is easier to understand. In navigating life, there is an inevitable amount of pain all of us will experience. This pain can manifest in a plethora of forms:

• The pain of a physical injury – This is something of which I have a very recent and direct experience!  🙁
• The pain of chronic physiological discomfort/dysfunction – This is also something I unfortunately have dealt with for over a decade.
• The pain of separation from a loved one – This is not something I have familiarity with, mainly because until very recently I had shut off my emotions to the point where I didn’t really have anyone in my life that I “loved.” (Not something I would recommend!)
• The pain of being invalidated by someone – This is something I feel quite often; sometimes I blame myself for being a snowflake and to just grow a spine already, even though I know this would only mask the problem.
• The pain of disappointment – This is something I am feeling right this moment as I type this post. I often have higher expectations than my time and energy will allow me to complete. I also feel deeply disappointed when I give lovingkindness to someone and they reciprocate with judgment.
• The pain of confusion – I believe everyone experiences this one, and probably on a fairly regular basis. Life is so often perplexing and confounding to our small minds.

Suffering occurs when we experience one or more painful experiences, and choose to crave that life would be other than it is. In Kristen Neff’s book, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, she came up with this equation: Suffering = Pain x Resistance. Though obviously a generality, I really like this conceptualization of these terms.

What this equation implies is that suffering can be completely eliminated. This could be accomplished by bringing ‘pain’ down to zero, or by bringing ‘resistance’ down to zero. Of these two solutions, the latter is a very hard but theoretically attainable goal.

One way I have learned to deal with aversive and addictive cravings is through urge surfing. This term is one I first heard referenced in a group therapy session. I used to think that when I had an urge to engage in addictive behavior, or avoid dealing with the world, or immerse myself in negative emotional energies, I had only 2 options.

Option #1: Give in to the urge. Succumb to the addiction. Avoid the situation. Allow self-pity to envelop me. Identify with my sadness.

Option #2: Resist the urge. Do what I feel is “right.” Face the situation. Push away feelings of self-pity. Identify with my courage.

What I learned through the concept of urge surfing, is that there is actually a third option. Option #1 is almost always unskillful and can be destructive. However, sometimes I just can’t seem to muster the energy to choose Option #2. So what exactly is this third option?

Option #3: Observe the urge. Fully allow yourself to experience all the thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations that you are experiencing. Simply observe them without attachment or judgment. Explore why you are feeling a specific emotion or thinking a specific thought. Give yourself some time and space to do this.

Cravings don’t last forever. They have a life-cycle. As you observe the urge, you will notice the intensity of it peak and then gradually decrease. Many urges will dissipate entirely within an 8-minute time period if we allow them to breathe and complete their life-cycle. Some may last as long as 20-min if they are especially strong.

The practice I use when I choose Option #3 is to set a timer for 8 minutes. During this time I give my full attention to the urge. I verbalize out loud what I am feeling and thinking. I notice when my emotions become stronger or weaker. I fully accept myself and anything I am experiencing physically, mentally, and emotionally.

My experience in using this practice has been truly unbelievable. The concept made sense to me intellectually, but it still freaked me out the first time I tried it. After being with the urge for several minutes, it lessened significantly. Sometimes before the 8-minute timer beeped, it had completely evaporated.

What had just minutes before seemed impossible to deal with suddenly turned into a non-issue. Please, please, please try this out for yourself.

It might change your life.

Namaste.