I sometimes have people ask me, “What is a Buddhist like?” My thought upon hearing this is ‘pretty much the same as any other lovely person that exists in the world.’ However, I think what the question is driving at is: What virtues are at the core of Buddhist life? When you set aside the philosophical aspect of non-attachment and just look at character qualities, what would I expect to find?

One of the spokes of the dharma wheel is skillful effort, which involves cultivating what in Buddhism are referred to as the 4 heavenly abodes. I remember these using the acronym SCEL (and yes I realize this is not an actual word).

• Sympathetic Joy: experiencing the joy of others as if it was our own
• Compassion: experiencing the pain or sorrow of others as it if it was our own
• Equanimity: holding a balanced mixture of all emotions
• Lovingkindness: exhibiting complete and unrestrained friendliness

Of these four, equanimity is probably the most recognizably Buddhist, probably because of its association with meditation. However, a lot of people (myself included in the past), picture an equanimous person as someone who is never ruffled no matter what life throws their way – someone who is imperturbably calm and steady.

This stereotype is understandable because in the macro-sense, this is true. However, in the moment-by-moment sense, this is not so at all. In fact, pure equanimity implies feeling all emotions in their fullest sense, without judgment or embarrassment.

When something unjust happens, we can feel deep anger that leads to righteous action. When something painful happens, we can feel unabashed sorrow. When something exciting piques our interest, we can feel incredible passion. However, cultivating equanimity means accepting the truth that hanging out in any of these valences for an extended period of time is tiring. So after fully experiencing the anger, sorrow, or passion, we hold it in gentle awareness and come back to a balanced center.

Over the last couple of months, I have experienced increasing levels of equanimity in the midst of daily life. Sometimes, it seems inexplicable. A week and a half ago, I had a pretty rough day at work and felt like just stewing in a cloud of negativity on my drive home. However, I decided instead to practice curiosity and compassion: to acknowledge and unpack what I was feeling in all of its intensity without judgment or reaction.

A weird phenomenon occurred when I did this. I arrived home and almost suddenly started feeling upbeat and almost euphoric (not a normal occurrence for me following a bout of negativity). I decided to be curious about this as well and embrace the feeling without attachment. After a while, my mood settled into a more balanced position. The negativity and euphoria were still within me, and both had their purposes, but integrating them into my natural resting state was ultimately more comfortable than hanging out in either extreme.

I experienced a feeling of deep contentment. The cool thing about this experience is that it is completely replicable. Normally, the swing in my emotional disposition is not so pronounced, but as I have cultivated this mind state, I have discovered that although I can’t banish unpleasant emotions, I always have access to finding this place of balance. Just realizing this opens up a well of gratitude.

I am feeling more emotions at this point in my life than I have in a long time. I also feel more at peace with myself than I have in a long time. These things are not contradictory. In fact, I think they are intricately connected with a proper understanding of equanimity.

Namaste.