Last week I had a chain of thoughts that threatened to upend my believed openness on whether an almighty and eternal being exists, which is the first line in my statement of belief. This is not just a presupposition I have held onto since childhood. In fact, just over a year ago I seriously considered becoming an atheist or at least an agnostic.

I largely credit my strong belief now in an almighty and eternal being to William Lane Craig, whose debates with atheists I providentially discovered last summer. I now believe there is overwhelming philosophical and scientific evidence for believing in such a person. However, I thought that if all of this evidence could be dismantled and strong evidence could be supplied for atheism, I would do the rational thing and accept atheism.

Last week I was thinking about the fulfillment that prayer (which I define principally as thinking to the Father) brings to my life. Then the thought came, so would I even be open to atheism if it ever became the most rational choice? I so wanted to say yes to preserve rationality and reality, but my emotions screamed out no.

This dilemma paralyzed me. I realized I couldn’t just write it down and think over it during the next philosophical appointed time. This is because I think to the Father (pray) when figuring stuff out. I couldn’t or was not willing to challenge this practice. I watched my thoughts become willing to cast off my entire paradigm structure to preserve this one practice.

Fortunately, I started thinking rationally, and looked up online if atheists ever prayed. I found many examples, and realized my fears were unfounded. This is because the almost infantile dependence I found myself exhibiting to this practice of prayer was an overarching desire for connection with something greater or all-encompassing. This is where my source of all purpose resides. I realized that this belief I held was not the Christian understanding of the divine, per se, but rather something beyond myself, be that collective consciousness, the energy of the universe, or a spiritual dimension.

Now, I firmly believe at the present time that collective consciousness, the energy of the universe, and a spiritual dimension all flow from my Christian understanding of the divine. But this belief can be challenged and even overturned without me losing my belief in an ultimate connection.

In saying this I want to take back what I said in a previous post about atheists not believing in an afterlife. While many don’t, it is certainly not illogical to do so. Check out this article by Steve Pavlina, an atheist of sorts, for some intriguing thoughts on life after death.