Author Archives: Dan

Stuttering Evaluation

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I learned four important lessons in my month of no fear in stuttering.

1. Speak while releasing tension. During a lot of situations, my speaking is perfectly normal and even I don’t have a problem with it. However, there are particular times which cause problems. I don’t have much trouble in one-on-one conversations or even that much in large group settings. It is small group bar-type settings with new people that are the worst instigators of the problem. Because of the narrow window in which the problem exists (which is a good thing), I found it very difficult to try to pinpoint the exact types of sounds that I tended to block or stall on. For the present, I think the best course of action is to just consciously focus on releasing tension when I start to speak. Breathing deeply and starting slow are great for this.

2. Say everything I want to say. This was a big part of the challenge for this month and it is incredibly important. Whenever I refrain from speaking because I think I will block on the sound, this increases my fear of stuttering which only worsens the problem. It is always better to face the fear. Many times, when I do, there is no problem at all. However, even when there is, it is still better to go for it and work on correcting whatever problem exists.

3. Don’t delay. This directly corroborates with the last point. The longer I wait to find the perfect way to say something, the more the tension builds which again compounds the problem. By speaking immediately and utilizing tension-reduction techniques, I have my best chance of fluent speech.

4. Don’t shudder after a “failure.” First off, it is better for me to view this as a learning experience rather than a failure. Shuddering or hating myself never accomplishes anything except for making whatever problem I have worse. Assessment is not a bad thing as long as it is not overly critical. However, even assessments can cause problems. Many times, it is better to just breathe and let it go. Look forward to opportunities for future success.

Unfortunately, I did not finish reading the book I purchased because I lost it halfway through the month. However, I think I have already gleaned most of the big-picture principles from it. The nice thing about the four lessons above is that they really can apply to a lot of activities in life. The theme is to consciously release tension, accept the challenge, do it immediately, and be resilient when things don’t turn out as planned. These are good principles for everyone to chew on!

Medical School Applications

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It has been a while since I posted a blog. The last few weeks have been incredibly busy and tiring. However, this is a good problem, because it is due to all the interviews for medical school I have received. I interviewed at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, TX on October 16; at the Texas A&M College of Medicine in Temple, TX on October 22; at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, TX on October 23; and at the University of Texas Medical School in Houston, TX on October 30. I have two more interviews scheduled at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas, TX on November 7 and at the Texas Tech School of Medicine in Lubbock, TX on November 20.

All the driving has made me tired all the time and has convinced me that I definitely don’t want a job that requires a lot of traveling. Each interview process has been a lot of fun as well as very informative. Of the schools I have interviewed at so far, Baylor is my top pick, followed by either UTMB Galveston or UT Houston. The interview at the A&M school in Temple was fine but the town seemed rather boring and I did not like how they split up their student body after the first year and a half at Brian-College Station.

Of the two interviews I have yet to attend, I expect that UT Southwestern will be comparable to Baylor, and Lubbock comparable to A&M. However, that being said, I have received good vibes from every school I have visited, so it will be a tough choice deciding where I want to spend four years. The way the system works is that I will rate the Texas public schools which I have received interviews at from first choice to last by January 21 on my application at the TMDSAS website. If I have already received a pre-match offer from my top choice school, then that is where I will go (unless I also receive an offer from Baylor, which is a private school and not in the Texas medical school system, and decide to attend there).

If I have not received a pre-match offer, I will go through match where my preferences will be combined with the preferences that each school has put out and will be waitlisted if I am not offered an acceptance at my top choice based on the algorithm that is used. I have until sometime in June to either accept one of my other offers or hold out to see if a spot opens at my top school (which would not be a very wise decision).

At this point, I will more than likely either be living in Dallas or Houston for the next four years starting in August of 2016. I am currently comparing what I believe to be the pros and cons between Baylor and Southwestern. If any of my readers live in either of these cities or used to do so and want to chime in on what they did or did not like about them, please do so. I have a feeling this is not going to be an easy decision. However, that being said, this is definitely a great problem for me to have!

People I have talked with say it is good to stand out from the other interviewers so you will be better remembered. Well, there are two aspects about me that definitely set me apart. First, I was the only music major at my interviews (as far as I know). Also, I was the only bald person among the interviewees, although I did meet one bald medical student or with whom I got along great.

I purchased a new medium-gray suit which fits me very well at a reasonable price about a month ago that I have used on my interviews. It was fun making a pocket square (or rather trying to make one and being helped out by Mom – I suck at sewing) which made the suit look snazzy. I am also trying to wear ties based on the colors of the medical school at which I am interviewing.

All in all, the application and interview process has been exciting if also somewhat stressful. It definitely costs money and takes time but I feel incredibly honored to be able to attend medical school and look forward eagerly to a fulfilling career in medicine. The field I am currently most interested in pursuing is Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation. However, we will see if this holds once I start doing clinical rotations!

Back Pain

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I think each one of us lives with certain maladies that affect our sense of well-being. However, most of the time we learn to cope with it and are able to enjoy a fairly positive outlook despite the problems.

Here is my current list of health or appearance problems that plague me:

  • Back pain
  • Hand/wrist arthritis/tendinitis
  • Meralgia paresthetica in upper left thigh
  • Acne
  • Sinus congestion
  • Leg pain when standing (especially when wearing non-minimal shoes or on hard surfaces)
  • Kyphosis/Scoliosis
  • Digestive trouble
  • Eye strain
  • Depression

The worst of the items on this list, by far, is back pain. I first started experiencing twinges of this when I started college. Unfortunately, I ignored it at the time since it wasn’t that bad. Due to a lack of proper exercise and stretching, the condition grew worse over the next couple years. Now, I generally always have some level of pain in my back, which ranges from a 1 to a 7 on the comparative pain scale.

If there is one thing I have learned in the past couple years of dealing with various health problems, it is that moaning and groaning (or getting others to do this for me) does absolutely nothing to help me cope with the pain. Here is how I currently deal with my back pain. Hopefully you can relate it to whatever physical ailment with which you have to live.

  1. Create a treatment plan. I daily take turmeric and MSM (sulfur) powder which are both natural anti-inflammatory substances. In addition, I am now generally taking a daily dose of acetaminophen to help with pain outbreaks. I have decided on this instead of taking NSAIDs because these can have deleterious effects on the gut and my gut already has enough problems after the surgery I had a couple years ago.
  2. Self-crack my back. I do this every half hour. I try to not do it more often than this, because this can cause more problems than it fixes. This has become routine. I simply bend over to a 90 degree angle and then jerk back up. This will usually in a satisfying crack right in the center of my back.
  3. Have alternative methods to deal with pain if the above doesn’t work. If I am still experiencing back pain that does not allow me to function very efficiently, I will do one of several things. First, a cold shower usually makes my back feel better. Another option is laying on a foam roller in both directions and stretching. The last option is to make some tea and meditate. If nothing else, this can help me get into a better mental state.
  4. Focus on getting through this day. Sometimes it can seem overwhelming to me if I start worrying about how my back pain will affect me during medical school or my career. There may be a time and a place to think about such things, but not in the moment that I am experiencing the pain. Right then, the best thing is to just focus on coping with it as best as possible and fulfilling my obligations for that day.

This is a constant struggle and I still have bouts of depression on a fairly regular basis because of this. However, I feel like I am making progress and hope that these experiences will make me a wiser and more empathetic person in general.

Evaluation of my Month of Shaving My Head

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I bought a Philips Norelco Shaver (rotary) to allow me greater ease in shaving my head and it works pretty well. It can be used wet or dry, but has to be cleaned more frequently if used wet.

Now that the month has finished, I am only shaving twice a week instead of three times. I tried doing just once a week, but the hair grew long enough which made it more difficult and time-consuming. Shaving or trimming everything (head, face, beard) twice a week is adequate to keep me looking pretty decent.

I haven’t gotten too much comment on it from my friends, except for the occasional, “nice dome!” Overall, I tend to like it. First off, I no longer have to worry about what my hair looks like (is it buzzed short enough; do I need to add some hair gel, etc.). Second, I no longer have a receding hairline or any weirdness in the back. Third, it’s a new look. I like new things. It will get old after a while, but I’m going to enjoy the freshness of it while I can.

I am still open, however, to growing my hair out again. I would appreciate feedback from family, friends, and readers: good, bad, or otherwise. If I do decide to keep the look for good, I might have to experiment with different beard styles. We’ll see.

A Month of No Fear In Stuttering

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I recently purchased a book titled ‘Advice to those who stutter‘. One of the common themes is that the biggest cause of stuttering is the fear of stuttering. This month, while working on a lot of aspects related to stuttering or disfluent speech, I want to especially focus on removing the fear of these speech problems. I have read a little more than half the book, and plan on finishing the rest of it this month by reading a chapter every 1-2 days. However, here are my notes from just the first four chapters which I have condensed into five aspects of the challenge for this month.

  1. Definite objectives. There will be three rules I am establishing right off the bat which will continue throughout the month. First, I am setting a daily quota of 3 people to talk with who are different from the norm for each day. This will provide me with the opportunities to work on my speech. Second, I want to not use avoidances (e.g. replacing a word with a different word, not speaking when I want to speak, abbreviating phrases). To help accomplish this, if I realize that I am using an avoidance involuntarily, I will inflict a self-penalty by making myself use the word I avoided 3 times thereafter as soon as I can in the conversation or subsequent conversations. Third, I will maintain eye contact during stuttering blocks. I want to face the situation and build confidence.
  2. Replace the fear of stuttering with word analysis and phrasing. This and the subsequent parts of the challenge for this month will be more general in nature. Some ways I will accomplish this point include analyzing my stuttering pattern (lead up, event, and escape) when I do it instead of resisting the stutter or block, plugging my ears and reading aloud to feel the flow of the words, videotaping or recording myself if possible when talking with others and reviewing the media later, and tallying in speaking situations. What I mean by the last statement is to go directly into the block without starters, stutter all the way through without retrial, stop immediately after the stuttered word, and tally the block in a small memo book (write down the word and what happened).
  3. Add, vary, and drop. The next step is to isolate either a stuttering pattern or an avoidance technique and dispose of them separately. At this point, I should already have a list of words I stutter on, what happens, and an analysis of the situation. I want to exaggerate the stuttering pattern deliberately, then vary it in some way, and finally stop doing it altogether. This should happen over the course of a few days (first day add, second day vary, third day drop). The second thing I want to do is make a list of avoidances that I am likely to want to use and the contexts in which I do so. Then, I will repeat the above process in getting rid of them.
  4. Stutter more easily. From what I have read, stutters don’t usually ever totally go away. However, it is possible to make the stutter more graceful and less noticeable. One way to do this is to start the first spoken word with a very light contact from the articulators and prolong the first sound slightly before continuing on normally. If I find myself stuck in a block, I will consciously release tension (take a slight pause only if needed) and move forward. Also, after stuttering on a word, I will try to find a way to say it again while modifying how I do so and focusing on releasing tension. With all of these strategies, it is critical that I resist time pressure in communication, at least for this month.
  5. Fluency. The goal is not just to lessen a speech pathology, but to improve in my overall speech fluency. This includes speech rate, loudness level, inflection, length of phrases, and diction. I want to build flexibility in speaking by varying all of these in different speaking situations. Basically, for the second half of this month (after I have focused specifically on the middle three challenges), I will think about one or more of these fluency factors when in a conversation and have a goal (e.g. varying volume, focusing on proper diction, trying to speak with long phrases or short phrases, etc.) that I strive to fulfill each time.

The few people to which I have mentioned my stuttering problem have mostly responded with surprise, saying they were not even aware of it. This seemed strange to me at first, but after thinking on it, I realized that the main way I deal with my problem is by either avoiding from saying something altogether or else pausing before a hard word and substituting an easier word. So, in trying to get rid of the fear of stuttering, there is one more challenge I am setting for myself that did not really fit into any of the five points above.

One thing pretty much every chapter of the book I have been reading agreed on was to stutter on purpose. This will be the hardest part of this month’s challenge. According to the experts, this is the number one way to reduce the fear of stuttering which is usually one of the contributing factors to the pathology. I will have a brief evaluation at the end of every day this month to see how I am doing with each part of the challenge. Wish me courage!

A Fresh Perspective

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Now that I have another website that I am working on developing (medvoices.net), I don’t have as much time to devote to my blogging here. This, in addition to a recent shift of interests, has prompted me to redesign this website to be more specifically focused on personal development and self concept. These can include a whole litany of different topics, but I think these fall roughly into three main categories:

  1. Personal Health. I have particular health problems that I work on alleviating while practicing acceptance. In addition, there are the proactive choices I make to cultivate a healthy lifestyle and mindset.
  2. Body Image. This includes everything from clothing to grooming to mannerisms. It also involves learning to deal with any thoughts of inferiority that arise for whatever reason.
  3. Practical Philosophy. A large part of health and body image is the way we think about it. For this reason, the ideas we have about these topics are extremely important and not something to be glossed over.

With these thoughts in mind, I will be creating different categories to focus on and writing specifically about those topics. I plan on keeping up my monthly challenges and evaluations as well as a mid-month post. However, I will be adding in posts that basically chronicle my struggles and successes in the above-mentioned areas. I believe this will be incredibly beneficial for my personal development and self concept and hopefully will be a source of enlightenment to those who read as well.

The way I try to prioritize my life at this point is as follows (an ultra-simplified description; it goes without saying that there are certain things that don’t need to be prioritized because I instinctively view them as urgent and important):

  1. Always complete daily base exercise plan and eat full healthy meals. If I do nothing else in a day, I should do this. This provides the physical energy and mental motivation for everything else. If I ever start skipping exercise or eating skimpy meals, then everything else is going to be negatively affected. This has to always be the top priority.
  2. Do semi-urgent and important tasks. These are the things on the to-do list which may not have to be done right this minute, but will catch up with me later and cause headaches if I procrastinate in doing them. There shouldn’t be a lot of these if I am following this prioritization scheme.
  3. Deal with pain, inferiority, or confusion. These each relate to one of the categories mentioned above, respectively. There are two ways to address any of these symptoms. The first involves conscious action, such as stretching to reduce pain, blogging to work through thoughts of inferiority, or writing down areas of confusion so they can be diagnosed later at a predetermined time. The second way to address these symptoms is the same regardless of what the symptom is: meditation. Clear the mind, focus on your breath, and let the pain, inferiority, or confusion wash away.

There are many other activities I schedule in my day, but as long as I maintain the three priorities above, everything else will work out just fine. I invite you to practice the art of living with me as you read these posts.

A Month of Shaving My Head

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I have thought and joked with others about shaving my head for the past year. Well, now is the time to try out this experiment. I shaved my head today and took a picture but can’t upload it. I will post it once I figure out how to do so.

I plan on shaving my head three times a week during the next month. Most of the monthly challenges I do knowing that at the end of the month I will stop or significantly change my routine. However, there is a definite possibility that this will stick and I will remain bald-by-choice from now on.

Here are some of the reasons for shaving my head:

  • I have been dissatisfied with my hair for quite a while. Whether I wear it longer or shorter, I cannot get myself to like it. Ever since it started balding above the temples, it has just looked corny to me. Also, there are some small abnormalities in the back as well which slightly bug me.
  • I feel empowered when I choose my style. My self-image has never been the greatest. However, it usually improves when I put myself in charge of my image instead of just succumbing to what I am used to (even though this might not be the best). So this will be a test. Will I feel more confident or less with my hair shaved off?
  • No more haircuts or bad hair days. I have been keeping my hair shorter for the past year or so, but there are still occasions where I forget to get a haircut and then look sloppy.
  • It is something new. Really, what more reason do I need than this? I think life is more interesting when I change my looks or routine and experiment with new things. So that is what this is.

I am going back to school next week and am sure I will get plenty of comments. I will update everyone with my thoughts once the month is over.

Banish Regret

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Regret is a natural human emotion that gets triggered once we realize that we goofed up, whether consciously or inadvertently. It serves an important purpose, which is to signal us that we are not on the right path and that something needs to change. In this respect, regret is a great tool for learning from our mistakes and failures.

However, regret should only be momentary. Once we process the feeling of regret and start to change our behavior or lifestyle as a result, regret should be banished, as it no longer serves any useful purpose. It is at this point that regret turns from being an asset to being a liability, and should be avoided at all costs.

Unfortunately, I and I am sure many others tend to let feelings of regret linger.

  • I wish I had studied more.
  • I should have used my time more productively.
  • I’m sorry I lost my temper.
  • If only I hadn’t blown away that money…

The present is the only moment we ever inhabit. When we give in to regret, we are refusing to acknowledge reality and missing the joys that can accompany each breath. We will probably later regret that we spent time regretting and on the cycle goes.

So here are a few things that can be done to let the regret go, whether it was caused by something as simple as oversleeping or as serious as losing a marriage or career.

  1. Realize that ongoing regret accomplishes nothing. Sometimes I think we believe that by mourning over our failures that will in some way atone for them. Well, it won’t. They are what they are. All regret does is compound the problem.
  2. Realize that ongoing regret is counter-productive. We are doing the very thing we regret. When bothered by our past, we are not using our time productively, building good relationships, or developing ourselves. This only perpetuates our failures and our regrets.
  3. Focus on the present moment. This almost sounds banal to suggest, but it really works. Regret cannot exist in the present; it only inhabits thoughts of the past and worries of how our past actions will affect the future. Try meditating for five minutes and see what that does to your perspective.
  4. Start working. Get busy living your life. Discover what is important to you and pursue it wholeheartedly. Start a job, live out a passion, build a relationship. It is never too late to embark on the journey of personal development.
  5. Stop comparing yourself with others. Regret gets its fuel by looking at those we think are better off than us and telling us that we would have been like them if… Stop that! Don’t live to beat someone else in the art of living. Just start painting the picture of your own life and enjoy the process. Forget about the destination.

Hopefully these solutions will help you live the life you have right now to the fullest. Happy traveling.

A Month of Checking In

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I have not blogged for a long time. My month of small acts of service which ended over a month ago went okay. I definitely could have done a lot better at taking opportunities to serve others. However, I feel I did a fairly good job of serving some of the people with whom I interacted.

I am taking the MCAT on July 17 so most of my time this summer has been and will be used to study for that. My biggest desire this summer – and also with life in general – is to base my psychology primarily on the present, not the past or the future. I know exactly what I mean by this, but it is not that easy to explain it to others in a few words.

Basing my psychology in the past usually either causes pride or self-loathing, depending on whether I view myself favorably or unfavorably. If I just rocked a test, hit it off with a girl, or had an extremely productive day, this becomes a source of pride if I dwell on it. The reason I don’t think harboring pride is a good idea is twofold. First, it puts me in competition with other people, making me less able to rejoice with them in their successes and vice versa. Second, it grates against my core philosophy of humility: that I could be wrong about everything. When I have a spirit of pride, I tend to become less open-minded and more defensive, and I don’t believe these qualities lead to ultimate consciousness forever.

If I have been feeling lousy, or had an unproductive day, or embarrassed myself in some way, and I base my psychology in the past, this will cause extreme self-loathing. I have been in this position many times, and it is bad. Once in this pit, it is hard to get out, because to do so usually requires a change of psychology which doesn’t happen just because I want it to happen. Also, even when I do conquer it, the lingering traces of the previous psychology remain usually for a good 24 hours.

Basing my psychology on the future has problems as well. First, it is easily damaged if things do not go according to plan. Let’s face it. Sometimes life just gets messed up, on no fault of our own. This future-based psychology is stressful even if everything is currently right on the money, because there is always the worry in the back of the mind that it will all crash. Second, it is often based on inconclusive data. Even if all the odds are in your favor, things can always go south. However, when the basis for a person’s future-based psychology is not even solid, this becomes especially problematic. Also, in my case, even if I know something helps other people’s psychologies, it is nearly impossible for me to base my psychology on it if I feel it has a low percentage of being true.

So, this leaves the present. Basing my psychology on the present has many facets. The main ones are:

  • The ability to learn. I can learn from the past without getting consumed by it.
  • The wisdom to appreciate cause and effect. I become very cognizant of the effects that are caused by every action I take right now.
  • Freedom from guilt. I lose my sense of failure from past mistakes, and am only concerned with doing what I feel is best in the moment I find myself.
  • A sense of completeness. I can feel satisfied with myself as I am right now. I still have goals and plans, but I am only basing my sense of well-being off of my current actions – whether they are what I feel lead to ultimate consciounsess or not. And if they don’t, I can make the choice to change them in the blink of an eye and be back on the road to fullness again.
  • A sense of oneness. As often as I see myself as an individualist, I just as often feel the desire for unity – with other people, with nature, with everything that is good. Only by basing my psychology in the present can I ever experience the sensation of oneness.

So this month my goal is very simple: I just want to check in with myself each hour. This could be as little as acknowledging the moment, or as much as taking a couple minutes to meditate.