So I was supposed to start a new monthly challenge last week. For those of you who don’t know or haven’t figured it out yet, I start my monthly challenges based on when the new moon is. This is one small way I try to stay connected with nature.

Therefore, this next challenge will last for close to two months and I believe it is warranted because of its importance. Meditation is something that is practiced by a lot of eastern religions. Although I don’t subscribe to any of these, I understand why this practice holds an important position for them. It has incredible benefits physically, mentally, psychologically, and emotionally.

I have used meditation in the past couple of years to provide mental clarity, physical stretching, and emotional peace. However, this month I am going to exploit it for psychological purposes in addition to the other benefits. First off, I am defining the mind here as the ability for rational thought and the psyche as the central force from which humans derive meaning and dictate behavior.

I have been trying to keep this blog lighter, so I won’t go into all the philosophical musings I have had of late on this topic. Suffice it to say, from my experience alone, I believe meditation is the most reliable, powerful, and easiest source of focus, inspiration, and drive. Unfortunately, though I try to meditate a little every day, I have severely underused this technique, especially in times of depression, either from physical pain or a perceived failure.

This month (and the next), the challenge is to make meditation the default response to any type of depression, confusion, or anxiety I find myself experiencing. Here are the flawed responses I usually have to these feelings:

• Deep thinking. This almost never is the right response in the moment. There is never an easy answer to the problem or depression I am facing, so thinking about it more and looking for a solution in this way is usually counterproductive.
• Sleep. A short nap can be a great thing, and one I advocate for here. However, a short nap can easily turn into a long nap and what ends up is just wasting a bunch of time which just makes me feel even worse about myself.
• Getting busy. Distracting myself from what is bothering me isn’t always a bad idea. However, if this is all that is done, then when I run out of urgent projects, then I will be sunk. This is not a good position in which to find myself.
• Talking to someone. Hashing out my feelings to someone is usually a good thing. The only problem with this is that you cannot always do so on demand. Maybe you cannot get a hold of someone at the precise moment you need them or maybe it would not be courteous to them to just dump all your problems on them.

This month, the goal is to not think, sleep, occupy myself with projects, or even talk to someone in those moments of psychological distress. Instead, I will do a meditation session for 5-10 minutes. After this time, the sky is the limit as far as what type of response I will have next. I have great hopes for this experiment and will let everyone know what I learned and what I will incorporate into my lifestyle from now on once I finish the challenge.

I learned four important lessons in my month of no fear in stuttering.

1. Speak while releasing tension. During a lot of situations, my speaking is perfectly normal and even I don’t have a problem with it. However, there are particular times which cause problems. I don’t have much trouble in one-on-one conversations or even that much in large group settings. It is small group bar-type settings with new people that are the worst instigators of the problem. Because of the narrow window in which the problem exists (which is a good thing), I found it very difficult to try to pinpoint the exact types of sounds that I tended to block or stall on. For the present, I think the best course of action is to just consciously focus on releasing tension when I start to speak. Breathing deeply and starting slow are great for this.

2. Say everything I want to say. This was a big part of the challenge for this month and it is incredibly important. Whenever I refrain from speaking because I think I will block on the sound, this increases my fear of stuttering which only worsens the problem. It is always better to face the fear. Many times, when I do, there is no problem at all. However, even when there is, it is still better to go for it and work on correcting whatever problem exists.

3. Don’t delay. This directly corroborates with the last point. The longer I wait to find the perfect way to say something, the more the tension builds which again compounds the problem. By speaking immediately and utilizing tension-reduction techniques, I have my best chance of fluent speech.

4. Don’t shudder after a “failure.” First off, it is better for me to view this as a learning experience rather than a failure. Shuddering or hating myself never accomplishes anything except for making whatever problem I have worse. Assessment is not a bad thing as long as it is not overly critical. However, even assessments can cause problems. Many times, it is better to just breathe and let it go. Look forward to opportunities for future success.

Unfortunately, I did not finish reading the book I purchased because I lost it halfway through the month. However, I think I have already gleaned most of the big-picture principles from it. The nice thing about the four lessons above is that they really can apply to a lot of activities in life. The theme is to consciously release tension, accept the challenge, do it immediately, and be resilient when things don’t turn out as planned. These are good principles for everyone to chew on!

I bought a Philips Norelco Shaver (rotary) to allow me greater ease in shaving my head and it works pretty well. It can be used wet or dry, but has to be cleaned more frequently if used wet.

Now that the month has finished, I am only shaving twice a week instead of three times. I tried doing just once a week, but the hair grew long enough which made it more difficult and time-consuming. Shaving or trimming everything (head, face, beard) twice a week is adequate to keep me looking pretty decent.

I haven’t gotten too much comment on it from my friends, except for the occasional, “nice dome!” Overall, I tend to like it. First off, I no longer have to worry about what my hair looks like (is it buzzed short enough; do I need to add some hair gel, etc.). Second, I no longer have a receding hairline or any weirdness in the back. Third, it’s a new look. I like new things. It will get old after a while, but I’m going to enjoy the freshness of it while I can.

I am still open, however, to growing my hair out again. I would appreciate feedback from family, friends, and readers: good, bad, or otherwise. If I do decide to keep the look for good, I might have to experiment with different beard styles. We’ll see.

I recently purchased a book titled ‘Advice to those who stutter‘. One of the common themes is that the biggest cause of stuttering is the fear of stuttering. This month, while working on a lot of aspects related to stuttering or disfluent speech, I want to especially focus on removing the fear of these speech problems. I have read a little more than half the book, and plan on finishing the rest of it this month by reading a chapter every 1-2 days. However, here are my notes from just the first four chapters which I have condensed into five aspects of the challenge for this month.

1. Definite objectives. There will be three rules I am establishing right off the bat which will continue throughout the month. First, I am setting a daily quota of 3 people to talk with who are different from the norm for each day. This will provide me with the opportunities to work on my speech. Second, I want to not use avoidances (e.g. replacing a word with a different word, not speaking when I want to speak, abbreviating phrases). To help accomplish this, if I realize that I am using an avoidance involuntarily, I will inflict a self-penalty by making myself use the word I avoided 3 times thereafter as soon as I can in the conversation or subsequent conversations. Third, I will maintain eye contact during stuttering blocks. I want to face the situation and build confidence.
2. Replace the fear of stuttering with word analysis and phrasing. This and the subsequent parts of the challenge for this month will be more general in nature. Some ways I will accomplish this point include analyzing my stuttering pattern (lead up, event, and escape) when I do it instead of resisting the stutter or block, plugging my ears and reading aloud to feel the flow of the words, videotaping or recording myself if possible when talking with others and reviewing the media later, and tallying in speaking situations. What I mean by the last statement is to go directly into the block without starters, stutter all the way through without retrial, stop immediately after the stuttered word, and tally the block in a small memo book (write down the word and what happened).
3. Add, vary, and drop. The next step is to isolate either a stuttering pattern or an avoidance technique and dispose of them separately. At this point, I should already have a list of words I stutter on, what happens, and an analysis of the situation. I want to exaggerate the stuttering pattern deliberately, then vary it in some way, and finally stop doing it altogether. This should happen over the course of a few days (first day add, second day vary, third day drop). The second thing I want to do is make a list of avoidances that I am likely to want to use and the contexts in which I do so. Then, I will repeat the above process in getting rid of them.
4. Stutter more easily. From what I have read, stutters don’t usually ever totally go away. However, it is possible to make the stutter more graceful and less noticeable. One way to do this is to start the first spoken word with a very light contact from the articulators and prolong the first sound slightly before continuing on normally. If I find myself stuck in a block, I will consciously release tension (take a slight pause only if needed) and move forward. Also, after stuttering on a word, I will try to find a way to say it again while modifying how I do so and focusing on releasing tension. With all of these strategies, it is critical that I resist time pressure in communication, at least for this month.
5. Fluency. The goal is not just to lessen a speech pathology, but to improve in my overall speech fluency. This includes speech rate, loudness level, inflection, length of phrases, and diction. I want to build flexibility in speaking by varying all of these in different speaking situations. Basically, for the second half of this month (after I have focused specifically on the middle three challenges), I will think about one or more of these fluency factors when in a conversation and have a goal (e.g. varying volume, focusing on proper diction, trying to speak with long phrases or short phrases, etc.) that I strive to fulfill each time.

The few people to which I have mentioned my stuttering problem have mostly responded with surprise, saying they were not even aware of it. This seemed strange to me at first, but after thinking on it, I realized that the main way I deal with my problem is by either avoiding from saying something altogether or else pausing before a hard word and substituting an easier word. So, in trying to get rid of the fear of stuttering, there is one more challenge I am setting for myself that did not really fit into any of the five points above.

One thing pretty much every chapter of the book I have been reading agreed on was to stutter on purpose. This will be the hardest part of this month’s challenge. According to the experts, this is the number one way to reduce the fear of stuttering which is usually one of the contributing factors to the pathology. I will have a brief evaluation at the end of every day this month to see how I am doing with each part of the challenge. Wish me courage!

I have thought and joked with others about shaving my head for the past year. Well, now is the time to try out this experiment. I shaved my head today and took a picture but can’t upload it. I will post it once I figure out how to do so.

I plan on shaving my head three times a week during the next month. Most of the monthly challenges I do knowing that at the end of the month I will stop or significantly change my routine. However, there is a definite possibility that this will stick and I will remain bald-by-choice from now on.

Here are some of the reasons for shaving my head:

• I have been dissatisfied with my hair for quite a while. Whether I wear it longer or shorter, I cannot get myself to like it. Ever since it started balding above the temples, it has just looked corny to me. Also, there are some small abnormalities in the back as well which slightly bug me.
• I feel empowered when I choose my style. My self-image has never been the greatest. However, it usually improves when I put myself in charge of my image instead of just succumbing to what I am used to (even though this might not be the best). So this will be a test. Will I feel more confident or less with my hair shaved off?
• No more haircuts or bad hair days. I have been keeping my hair shorter for the past year or so, but there are still occasions where I forget to get a haircut and then look sloppy.
• It is something new. Really, what more reason do I need than this? I think life is more interesting when I change my looks or routine and experiment with new things. So that is what this is.

I am going back to school next week and am sure I will get plenty of comments. I will update everyone with my thoughts once the month is over.