What is forgiveness? According to the American Psychological Association,

Forgiveness is a process (or the result of a process) that involves a change in emotion and attitude regarding an offender. Most scholars view this an intentional and voluntary process, driven by a deliberate decision to forgive.

I’ve tried this process many times when dealing with situations in which others hurt me or I hurt myself. I suppose I have succeeded according to the above definition, because I did undergo a change in emotion and attitude regarding the offender, whether myself or another person. However, what I rarely, if ever, achieved was complete release from the situation. As much as I wanted to or tried, I simply could not erase the consequences the offense generated in my life, whether big or small.

Recently, I have adopted a different strategy. Some may view this new perspective as wishful thinking or cheating, but hey, for me it works beautifully.

Several science fiction movies I have watched recently contain time travel. In some of these, the “same” person was actually a different person (i.e. a person traveled back in time to interact with their former self). These two “people” while linked through consequences, were nonetheless distinct.

How does this relate to forgiveness? Well, suppose someone wronged “you” a year ago. Under this model, they didn’t actually wrong you, they wronged the you that existed (or exists) a year ago. Also, the offender is not the person you know now, but rather their former self that existed a year ago. What this means is that neither the person that committed the offense, nor the one offended even exist now. Forgiveness then is just to realize this and the negative energy and emotions fade away almost magically.

It may sound weird, but I can testify that it is better than any other process of forgiveness I have tried. So, the next time you do something stupid and are beating yourself up over it or someone slights you and you can’t get over the negative feelings you have for them, give this process of forgiveness a whirl and then share with me the results.

It has been a while since I posted a blog. The last few weeks have been incredibly busy and tiring. However, this is a good problem, because it is due to all the interviews for medical school I have received. I interviewed at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, TX on October 16; at the Texas A&M College of Medicine in Temple, TX on October 22; at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, TX on October 23; and at the University of Texas Medical School in Houston, TX on October 30. I have two more interviews scheduled at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas, TX on November 7 and at the Texas Tech School of Medicine in Lubbock, TX on November 20.

All the driving has made me tired all the time and has convinced me that I definitely don’t want a job that requires a lot of traveling. Each interview process has been a lot of fun as well as very informative. Of the schools I have interviewed at so far, Baylor is my top pick, followed by either UTMB Galveston or UT Houston. The interview at the A&M school in Temple was fine but the town seemed rather boring and I did not like how they split up their student body after the first year and a half at Brian-College Station.

Of the two interviews I have yet to attend, I expect that UT Southwestern will be comparable to Baylor, and Lubbock comparable to A&M. However, that being said, I have received good vibes from every school I have visited, so it will be a tough choice deciding where I want to spend four years. The way the system works is that I will rate the Texas public schools which I have received interviews at from first choice to last by January 21 on my application at the TMDSAS website. If I have already received a pre-match offer from my top choice school, then that is where I will go (unless I also receive an offer from Baylor, which is a private school and not in the Texas medical school system, and decide to attend there).

If I have not received a pre-match offer, I will go through match where my preferences will be combined with the preferences that each school has put out and will be waitlisted if I am not offered an acceptance at my top choice based on the algorithm that is used. I have until sometime in June to either accept one of my other offers or hold out to see if a spot opens at my top school (which would not be a very wise decision).

At this point, I will more than likely either be living in Dallas or Houston for the next four years starting in August of 2016. I am currently comparing what I believe to be the pros and cons between Baylor and Southwestern. If any of my readers live in either of these cities or used to do so and want to chime in on what they did or did not like about them, please do so. I have a feeling this is not going to be an easy decision. However, that being said, this is definitely a great problem for me to have!

People I have talked with say it is good to stand out from the other interviewers so you will be better remembered. Well, there are two aspects about me that definitely set me apart. First, I was the only music major at my interviews (as far as I know). Also, I was the only bald person among the interviewees, although I did meet one bald medical student or with whom I got along great.

I purchased a new medium-gray suit which fits me very well at a reasonable price about a month ago that I have used on my interviews. It was fun making a pocket square (or rather trying to make one and being helped out by Mom – I suck at sewing) which made the suit look snazzy. I am also trying to wear ties based on the colors of the medical school at which I am interviewing.

All in all, the application and interview process has been exciting if also somewhat stressful. It definitely costs money and takes time but I feel incredibly honored to be able to attend medical school and look forward eagerly to a fulfilling career in medicine. The field I am currently most interested in pursuing is Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation. However, we will see if this holds once I start doing clinical rotations!

Now that I have another website that I am working on developing (medvoices.net), I don’t have as much time to devote to my blogging here. This, in addition to a recent shift of interests, has prompted me to redesign this website to be more specifically focused on personal development and self concept. These can include a whole litany of different topics, but I think these fall roughly into three main categories:

1. Personal Health. I have particular health problems that I work on alleviating while practicing acceptance. In addition, there are the proactive choices I make to cultivate a healthy lifestyle and mindset.
2. Body Image. This includes everything from clothing to grooming to mannerisms. It also involves learning to deal with any thoughts of inferiority that arise for whatever reason.
3. Practical Philosophy. A large part of health and body image is the way we think about it. For this reason, the ideas we have about these topics are extremely important and not something to be glossed over.

With these thoughts in mind, I will be creating different categories to focus on and writing specifically about those topics. I plan on keeping up my monthly challenges and evaluations as well as a mid-month post. However, I will be adding in posts that basically chronicle my struggles and successes in the above-mentioned areas. I believe this will be incredibly beneficial for my personal development and self concept and hopefully will be a source of enlightenment to those who read as well.

The way I try to prioritize my life at this point is as follows (an ultra-simplified description; it goes without saying that there are certain things that don’t need to be prioritized because I instinctively view them as urgent and important):

1. Always complete daily base exercise plan and eat full healthy meals. If I do nothing else in a day, I should do this. This provides the physical energy and mental motivation for everything else. If I ever start skipping exercise or eating skimpy meals, then everything else is going to be negatively affected. This has to always be the top priority.
2. Do semi-urgent and important tasks. These are the things on the to-do list which may not have to be done right this minute, but will catch up with me later and cause headaches if I procrastinate in doing them. There shouldn’t be a lot of these if I am following this prioritization scheme.
3. Deal with pain, inferiority, or confusion. These each relate to one of the categories mentioned above, respectively. There are two ways to address any of these symptoms. The first involves conscious action, such as stretching to reduce pain, blogging to work through thoughts of inferiority, or writing down areas of confusion so they can be diagnosed later at a predetermined time. The second way to address these symptoms is the same regardless of what the symptom is: meditation. Clear the mind, focus on your breath, and let the pain, inferiority, or confusion wash away.

There are many other activities I schedule in my day, but as long as I maintain the three priorities above, everything else will work out just fine. I invite you to practice the art of living with me as you read these posts.

So I finally got a picture uploaded. Not the best picture, but I’m not a very good photographer, especially of myself!

Regret is a natural human emotion that gets triggered once we realize that we goofed up, whether consciously or inadvertently. It serves an important purpose, which is to signal us that we are not on the right path and that something needs to change. In this respect, regret is a great tool for learning from our mistakes and failures.

However, regret should only be momentary. Once we process the feeling of regret and start to change our behavior or lifestyle as a result, regret should be banished, as it no longer serves any useful purpose. It is at this point that regret turns from being an asset to being a liability, and should be avoided at all costs.

Unfortunately, I and I am sure many others tend to let feelings of regret linger.

• I wish I had studied more.
• I should have used my time more productively.
• I’m sorry I lost my temper.
• If only I hadn’t blown away that money…

The present is the only moment we ever inhabit. When we give in to regret, we are refusing to acknowledge reality and missing the joys that can accompany each breath. We will probably later regret that we spent time regretting and on the cycle goes.

So here are a few things that can be done to let the regret go, whether it was caused by something as simple as oversleeping or as serious as losing a marriage or career.

1. Realize that ongoing regret accomplishes nothing. Sometimes I think we believe that by mourning over our failures that will in some way atone for them. Well, it won’t. They are what they are. All regret does is compound the problem.
2. Realize that ongoing regret is counter-productive. We are doing the very thing we regret. When bothered by our past, we are not using our time productively, building good relationships, or developing ourselves. This only perpetuates our failures and our regrets.
3. Focus on the present moment. This almost sounds banal to suggest, but it really works. Regret cannot exist in the present; it only inhabits thoughts of the past and worries of how our past actions will affect the future. Try meditating for five minutes and see what that does to your perspective.
4. Start working. Get busy living your life. Discover what is important to you and pursue it wholeheartedly. Start a job, live out a passion, build a relationship. It is never too late to embark on the journey of personal development.
5. Stop comparing yourself with others. Regret gets its fuel by looking at those we think are better off than us and telling us that we would have been like them if… Stop that! Don’t live to beat someone else in the art of living. Just start painting the picture of your own life and enjoy the process. Forget about the destination.

Hopefully these solutions will help you live the life you have right now to the fullest. Happy traveling.

My personality is such that it would be possible for me to be almost completely mechanistic: to just live for completing the next goal – endlessly. Unlike Leo Babauta, I believe goals are incredibly freeing and fulfilling, even if I greatly value his position. However, I purposefully create sacred spaces in my life where there is not a goal. I look at this as what art is all about, whatever medium it takes. These are times to fully enjoy the sensations of the moment. What are some of the things I do during this time?

• Music – Playing my instruments is a whole new experience for me these days. I don’t do it often (except for at church) and when I do there is nothing I need to accomplish (except for the occasional recital). I can enjoy just hearing myself play, without criticism, without priority – just experience it.
• Meditation – I am a newcomer to this and should carve out more special moments to engage in this practice. I am someone who always has something to think about, so it can sometimes be a challenge to just let all those thoughts go, focus on my breath, and just be in tune with myself.
• Drinking Tea – I often drink tea late at night. Sometimes I try to make those 5-10 minutes a sacred spot and just be aware – aware of my blessings, aware of the world, aware of other people, aware of my dreams – just pure awareness without giving in to the urge to think or do something.
• Walks in the Woods – I love nature even if my allergies don’t always cooperate. Sometimes I go out in the woods somewhere to think, but other times I go out just to go out. No plan, no agenda, just making decisions as I come upon them.

Don’t expect these sacred times to magically appear in your life. It is so easy for me to crowd these out with other responsibilities and studies. But when I allow that (and it is more often than I would like), then I am robbing myself of really living. I become just a robot fulfilling tasks. Art, whether in the form of creating something spontaneously, being aware of your surroundings, or expressing a beautiful statement, needs to be guarded and preserved. Without it, we may still have the most developed brain of any species, but for what?

It may be hard, but don’t give up on art. Don’t give up on those sacred spots in your life. Carve them out of your busy day. Enjoy life – not the goals you have set or the things you have accomplished, but just life itself. It is beautiful.

I like certainty. This is why I think about and study every aspect of life ad nauseam and usually enjoy doing it. I try to use well-defined terms, clear-cut logic, and unbiased research to find elegant solutions to political, social, theological, and medical controversies.

However, sometimes (actually a lot of the time) it is necessary to live with at least temporary uncertainty – with solutions or conclusions that aren’t blatantly illogical but do leave something to be desired. This is where, for me at least, it is crucial that I follow my paradigm of living in appointed times by faith and practice centering on the present moment. All I really ever should ask myself during the week is “What should I be doing right now?” and then once I know the answer (and many times this is something I know instinctively) I should go and do that thing leaving other thoughts behind. If I truly am not sure what to do, I have paradigms for how to deal with that that I should follow.

This is life – and it can be so simple. Oh, I still have my philosophical musings, soul searchings, and other endeavors that make life more fulfilling at designated times, and this is great. It means I am constantly changing in small or big ways in every area of life.

I have heard the expression and may have even quoted it in the past, “Don’t be so open-minded your brains fall out.” I agree and disagree with this statement. I do believe it is necessary to have some baseline paradigm that gives a rudimentary structure to your life, such as the one I have. So, in this case, I would agree that if you are so open-minded that you don’t even have this structure because your are constantly mentally challenging everything, I think this could be disastrous. I have had one period of my life that was like this, and I was in nearly constant depression for most of it.

However, once you have a structure (as basic and as little as possible) to your life, then you can be as open minded as you want, and in my opinion, the more the merrier. Why? Well, for me, it is fulfilling to ask questions and ponder all the mysteries of life and the possible explanations, or social structures, or politics. One of the things that most fulfills me, other than when I enjoy great health, is seeking to know the truth. I believe that the truth does set people free, as Jesus/Y’shua said in John 8:32.

One of the defining characteristics that distinguishes people from other animals is the drive to understand things. This must be kept alive at all costs. The art and science of living is figuring out how to do this while engaging in all the routine tasks of each day.

It is very easy to start living in the past or in the future. The present moment can seem fleeting and unimportant. However, the present is all you have control over. The past is frozen. What’s done has been done. The future is uncertain and vague. Even the control we think we have over it is mostly illusory.

Not being centered for me usually takes one of the following forms:

1. Mulling over how little I am improving in a certain area. Honest and rational evaluations can be tremendously beneficial. However, beating myself down because I don’t see that much change in myself is not good and is focused on the past not the present.
2. Worried my back will worsen and I won’t be able to work. This one pops up all the time for me. Whatever happens in the future will happen in the future. The best I can do is just focus on being the most healthy I can now and enjoying my current abilities.
3. Deliberating over questions that should be worked out later. Not everything can be figured out or decided right now. I should simply make the decisions or do the thinking I need for this day and not sweat the rest.
4. Worried I will make a B in one of my classes. I tend to view an A as a passing grade and a B as a failing grade, and this is okay as far as it goes. However, I need to focus on putting the effort I feel I should be putting into studying and not put my self worth on the line if I get I get a B or fail. I can’t necessarily control my grades, but I can control what I do with my time.
5. Overwhelmed by all the things I need to get done today. Just focus on doing the most important thing right now and don’t stress about the rest. Stressing about it does not help. If anything, it hurts because my mind is distracted and I cannot put all my energies into whatever task I end up pursuing, which means it takes longer than it normally would.
6. Depressed by the lack of important things I have accomplished in life. Any time you base your self worth on the past, chances are you will be disappointed. This is because the only way you can measure the things you have accomlished is by comparing them against someone else’s accomplishments, and there will always be someone who has accomplished more. Adopting this attitude also makes you angry or envious at the successes of others, because the more they succeed, the less self worth you have.
7. Reliving recent failures or awkward situations. Right after I didn’t do so hot on a test, or said something inappropriate, or otherwise “failed” in some aspect, I tend to relive the experience and not be able to move on. It consumes my thoughts. “Why did I do that? I should have done this. I’m so clumsy and stupid.” This accomplishes nothing except to erode my self-confidence and poison my psychology. If something didn’t go so well, just jot it down and later, when you are more rationally inclined, possibly think what you should do differently to avoid it happening in the future.

This concept of centering is pivotal to lowering stress, attaining happiness, and pursuing higher consciousness. There are several aids that can help you maintain the practice of centering. Meditation is perhaps the most important. I don’t do a lot of meditating, but I do try to block out a few times during the week to do this. Don’t worry so much about the pose you adopt when doing this. Yes, the lotus position is probably the most ideal, but there a lot of people that cannot even do this (like me) or at least not comfortably and safely. You can meditate sitting on a chair, lying on your back, cross-legged, or any number of other different positions.

The practice of centering is worth learning because it will directly or indirectly influence every aspect of your life. So, after reading this, channel all the energy you have into the next activity on your list and try to have fun while doing it. Life is too short to miss out on the present moment.

As a quick example from today, I changed the answer I originally put down on a quiz causing me to get it wrong, grabbed my laptop power cords without the laptop, and forgot to bring my physics lab to finish all within 10 minutes. Now these are all minor things, but often times it is the minor stuff that gets us. I had been working on this post, so in the car instead of getting the mulligrubs, I centered, put those events behind me, and started just focusing on meditating and praying. It wasn’t instantaneous, but soon I was feeling much more at peace and excited about life.

Try to look at the curveballs life throws at you not as horrible things but rather as opportunities to practice centering. This makes everything that happens worthwhile.

Both science and art are popular words to describe a method of doing something as well as the end result. In the interest of clarity, I would like to give my definitions of both of these words, which I think will be useful when using them in conversation or writing.

Something can be said to be a science if it has an organized, structured plan to get from point A to point B. There is little guesswork or vagueness in science. Everything is well-defined and follows a predictable methodology.

Something can be said to be an art if there is no organized, structured plan and no definite point B. It is something that cannot be codified into a methodological framework and is intensely personal and subjective in nature.

Using these definitions, we see that something is an art or a science based upon how it is done, not upon what subject it is. For example, when I was in college for music performance, I approached my music practices and performances mostly as a science and not an art. In fact, my music was probably as much as 95% science. I could tell you exactly how to do anything, from the mechanics of different articulations to the intonation of pitches to memorizing and performing pieces, in a very systematic step-by-step process.

However, there was still something – that 5% – for which I can give no explanation and will not even attempt to do so. This part of my music making was and still is an art. It is something that I either cannot or will not try to break down into discrete parts.

After thinking about these two words in this light, I realize that I have always been a scientist through and through by disposition. In fact, I performed much better when I allowed my science side to predominately rule how I did things instead of my art side.

I believe that most of us probably fall heavily to one side or the other of this spectrum. This is fine; play up your strengths. However, if you find yourself to be a scientist, include some randomness in your life. Dedicate some time to just freely express yourself. On the other hand, if you are an artist, don’t stifle your creativity, but try to establish some guidelines or routines in which your art can flourish.

Science vs Art. This is usually the heart of most miscommunication and conflict (see my post on Reason vs. Instinct). It doesn’t have to be. You simply have to value both of these wonderful tools and perspectives. If viewed properly, they can complement each other perfectly. However, it takes some real work to integrate these seemingly incompatible twins.