I haven’t written on this blog in years… literally. However, it is high time for me to get back to it. Today, I would like to announce my recent self-induction into Christian Buddhism and before you start googling to find out what the heck this is, it isn’t anything officially. This is my own creation, though it is rooted in the core principles of Buddhism with multiple distinctly Christian themes thrown in.
Before I start laying out what my newfound philosophy/religion entails, I would like to give some backstory. I was a Christian, albeit of several different varieties, from the age of six until the age of 25. My evolution from Christian to atheist took place slowly over the course of about 2 years. At some point, I would like to give a detailed history of this, but for now it will suffice to say that I gradually found my Christian beliefs to be more limiting than empowering overall.
After formally leaving Christianity, I bounced around between Christian atheism, secular humanism, apatheism, and pandeism. You can look all these terms up if you would like, but even though they mean different things, they had very little influence on my day-to-day lifestyle or beliefs, so I am not going to spend time discussing them.
I have struggled with mild to moderate depression every since I can remember. My depression became worse since I started to experience chronic pain and gave up what used to be the love of my life – music. However, I did a fair job of coping until I entered dedicated study time for STEP 1 of the USMLE. For those unfamiliar with it, this is the first big (8-hr) exam in medical school testing knowledge learned over the first 2 years.
Ever since I started having carpal tunnel syndrome followed by chronic back pain, I began to spend more and more time watching TV and movies, something I had done very little of prior to this time. Eventually, it became one of the only things I could really enjoy doing without pain. Previously, I had a whole host of outlets that I used to have fun and de-stress. These included reading, running, socializing, playing games, and practicing my instruments.
After restarting college with a goal of applying for medical school, reading became associated with studying (something that had not really happened during my music degree years) and my residual carpal tunnel symptoms after surgery precluded me from enjoying holding a book more than 15 minutes anyway. Running I gave up after my rehab and pain specialist told me that due to how tight my muscles were (despite excessive stretching), I was probably further worsening my back condition.
I stopped going to socializing events because of my fear that my back pain would spike and I would end up being miserable the whole time or having to leave prematurely. Really the only times I thoroughly enjoyed socializing were when I could do it while walking or hiking, which didn’t happen very often. Playing games also became something I just didn’t really enjoy, unless they were outdoor activity games.
I experienced a love/hate relationship with my instruments (especially violin) ever since my carpal tunnel and back symptoms started appearing in my early 20s. After I finished my degree in music performance, I basically stopped playing altogether, with the exception of a few small gigs and leading music at a small church. Once I started medical school, these residual musical activities ceased as well.
Basically, all the things in my life that I had previously used to bring me pleasure, unwind, and cope with the stresses of life had been ripped away from me. What filled the gap? More TV and movies. Instead of socializing, reading, playing games, running, and practicing my instruments, my default for everything from pain to stress to depression was to binge watch a good TV show. It became a full-blown addiction though I didn’t realize it as such until my dedicated study time for STEP 1.
During this time I had what in medicine we call a major depressive episode. Though I had been chronically mildly-moderately depressed for years, I had never before had an episode like this. Basically, for about 1 month, I had a severely depressed mood, lack of interest in anything other than binge-watching TV shows, erratic sleep, guilt for not being more productive, lack of energy or motivation to get out of the house, lack of concentration to study, lack of appetite, a general feeling of sluggishness, and the desire to not be alive.
Needless to say, I did extremely poorly on my STEP 1 exam. During this time and immediately afterwards, I realized I needed a major change in my life. This is when I discovered the basics of Buddhism. Eventually, by incorporating some of the most empowering aspects of my former Christian faith and some of my own life lessons, I developed what I now call Christian Buddhism. So, what is this?
The basics of Buddhism are well-expressed in this article: https://www.unhcr.org/50be10cb9.pdf. So please reference this if you are unfamiliar with this philosophy. I affirm 95% of what is in this article and don’t need to rehash what has already been expressed so well other places. However, although these principles gave me what I found to be a solid logical bedrock to build upon, they did not specifically address my current guilt and depression, which was and is my biggest challenge.
There are a lot of Christian beliefs and traditions that I find to be more limiting than empowering. However, the most pivotal concept of Christianity is one I find deeply empowering and is one of the reasons it took me so long to leave the religion. This is the concept of a fresh start, encapsulated by II Corinthians 5:17 (KJV), “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”
My application of this concept is to view my existence before my self-induction into Christian Buddhism as a previous life and to consistently reference it as such. This allows me the freedom to learn from my previous life’s lack of consciousness without viewing it as part of my identity, which dissipates much of the guilt, bitterness, and self-loathing I used to harbor. Specifically, I can distance myself from my previous life’s poor posture and focus on music performance over health and this contribution on my current state of chronic pain. I can distance myself from my previous life’s incredible amount of wasted time and effort doing religious disciplines like praying, memorizing Scripture, and evangelizing. Most recently, I can distance myself from my previous life’s academic failures.
None of these events in my previous life are part of my identity. I view them strictly from a third-person perspective. These things do not define me in the slightest because I am a new creation. My current life started at my self-induction into Christian Buddhism. This for me is probably the most empowering belief I hold.
The second major Christian influence that I incorporated into my philosophy is penance. However, penance for me is not about paying for my sins, but about operant conditioning. If you are not familiar with this concept in psychology, please reference this article: https://www.verywellmind.com/operant-conditioning-a2-2794863. Basically, I have set up predetermined actions and fines with accountability partners that I impose on myself if I fail to maintain a lifestyle of consciousness.
Based extremely loosely on the 10 commandments in the Old Testament, here are the 10 commandments of Dansciousness (Dan-consciousness):
1. Never undercut accountability partners (one executive, one judicial).
2. Only hold self-legislative session on philosophical appointed times (PATs).
3. Commit thoroughly to your philosophy.
4. Safeguard the sanctity of the Sabbath.
5. Prioritize family relationships.
6. Have confidence in your weekly plan.
7. Always make time to respect yourself.
8. Be active during scientific appointed times (SATs).
9. Reject absolutes.
10. Don’t let anyone other than yourself determine your identity.
At some point in the near future, I would like to delve into each of these commandments and explain how I specifically apply them, but this blog post is already too long, so I will let them stand on their own for now. I would also like to address my recently discovered 6 core values fulfilled by 5 core identities and my 2 life lessons, but this too can wait for a later time.
The only other aspect of my philosophy of Christian Buddhism that needs to be addressed now is my 4 starting commitments. I felt that to make my philosophy mare tangible, it made sense to make some commitments concurrent with my self-induction. These are briefly detailed below:
1. Only watch media for the purposes of entertainment (TV, porn, news, youtube) on PATs and then not for more than 1 hour at a time (no binge-watching). This is a very important commitment considering my history of addiction in this activity. I don’t feel it wise to completely eliminate this activity at this point, so relegating it to particular times and amounts makes sense.
2. Never, under ANY circumstance, drive more than 4 mph over the speed limit, and ALWAYS prioritize safety over efficiency while driving. It just is not worth the risk! I almost always drive above the speed limit because the longer I sit in the car the more my back hurts. I also try to learn Spanish while driving or otherwise be productive. However, if I ever feel like I am less than alert while driving I will do what is necessary to correct it immediately, whether this involves driving in silence, slowing down, or pulling over to rest.
3. Meditate for 10 minutes every day. Preferably, this will happen outside, barefoot, on grass, when the sun is out. However, this is not always possible, so my commitment is to always get in 10 minutes of meditation, even if there is no grounding or sun involved.
4. Maintain at least a 90% clean pescatarian diet. Clean means specifically no trans-fats, high fructose corn syrup, or processed sugar. Generally, it means as few artificial ingredients as possible. Pescatarian means the only meat I eat is fish. I think it unwise in most cases to follow any diet 100% unless there is a specific medical reason for it.
So, in a nutshell this is Christian Buddhism. The 3 universal truths, 4 noble truths, and eightfold path combined with the Christian concepts of new creation and penance + the 10 commandments of consciousness and starting commitments which are unique to each person.