This past month was a total failure as far as my monthly challenge was concerned. I did fairly well the first week and a half, but it was downhill from there. However, I learned some valuable lessons that I think made the month worthwhile despite the personal debacle. Here are some of the important insights that were gleaned:

• Make decisiveness a fundamental paradigm. In my experience, any action or thought is usually better than brain fog. Either think constructively or act purposely, but by all means be moving forward and not stalling. I tend to believe that if I am conscious and decisive about my actions and opinions that whatever path I end up taking will turn out to be the best. Spiritually, this correlates with Romans 8:28.
• Function in totally focused blocks of time. Let’s be real. We are human and cannot always give our full focus to something as we might like. So, expect that your focus and energy will wane and be okay with it. If you are working on an important project, and despite your best effort, you just feel like procrastinating, give yourself a 10-minute break. I believe it is much better to take these breaks even if they happen often, than be semi-focused and not get anything of real importance accomplished. Allow your mind to wander and do anything you like for that block of time. When the 10 minutes is up, you will be able to put yourself back into your project with full focus. On a larger scale, this is really what living in appointed times by faith is all about.
• Add a third category of actions between minor and major – semi-important. While purchasing an expensive item online or deciding whether to join a Toastmasters club are definitely not major actions in any sense of the word, I also would not categorize them as minor. They represent a commitment of a decent amount of time or money and therefore should be given more thought than, say, deciding whether to practice yoga tonight. However, I think for most of these actions, setting a deadline for when you will make these decisions will enable you to be conscious and decisive but still give some thought to these choices. So, you might give yourself 5 minutes to decide whether to purchase that item online or give yourself till the end of the day to decide whether you will join a Toastmasters club.

One of the problems I faced this past month with respect to decisiveness was my self-image quandary. Now, this is nothing new, but it really came to a head this past month. I had good intentions. I really wanted to figure out how I should handle this.

First off, I wrestled with my purpose statement of living for total health and consciousness forever. Even just thinking about total health depressed me because I don’t believe I will ever in this life have anything close to that. I do believe in the possibility that some treatment (besides surgery) or exercise regime could straighten my back and take away my pain, but I am not expecting this to ever happen. Now this thought process yielded a simple but incredibly liberating conclusion.

I became a monist idealist. This means I now believe that only one type of thing exists in reality and that one thing is consciousness. This might sound weird, but quantum physics gives solid evidence for this concept. This allowed me to look at consciousness as supreme, and health, posture, fitness, and diet, though important, as simply channels to obtain higher consciousness, simply means to an end and not an end in themselves. But I believe I can reach total consciousness without perfect health or appearance.

So, I changed my purpose statement to: living for total consciousness forever. This may seem like a small, esoteric change, but it has made a big difference in my outlook. However, the second thing I realized while in my self-image quandary paralleled the concept that catapulted me out of philosophical depression last summer. That is, I am not going to solve all my self-image problems today, or tomorrow, or next week, or next year, or in ten years! That being the case, the important thing is to do something, to have some paradigm in dealing with my self image that I can follow for this week, or this day, or even just this moment, and believe in this paradigm. Then evaluate it at the appropriate time. I think punctuated oblivion is a paradigm that I can function with for now, but I fully expect it to change.

One very practical aspect of decisiveness is that not as many questions need to be written down during the week. Now, this idea of writing down things during the week to think about during the next philosophical appointed time I believe is an incredible concept. However, it has to be kept in check. Generating too many thoughts or questions to look over can turn what should be a fun and educational experience into a dreaded chore.

So, will I repeat this monthly challenge at some point in the future? Probably not, because I am seeking to make this more of a 24/7 paradigm, so there will not be a need for that. What this past month has shown me is that sometimes my failures can teach me more and cause more growth than my successes, as paradoxical as that sounds.

Last week I had a chain of thoughts that threatened to upend my believed openness on whether an almighty and eternal being exists, which is the first line in my statement of belief. This is not just a presupposition I have held onto since childhood. In fact, just over a year ago I seriously considered becoming an atheist or at least an agnostic.

I largely credit my strong belief now in an almighty and eternal being to William Lane Craig, whose debates with atheists I providentially discovered last summer. I now believe there is overwhelming philosophical and scientific evidence for believing in such a person. However, I thought that if all of this evidence could be dismantled and strong evidence could be supplied for atheism, I would do the rational thing and accept atheism.

Last week I was thinking about the fulfillment that prayer (which I define principally as thinking to the Father) brings to my life. Then the thought came, so would I even be open to atheism if it ever became the most rational choice? I so wanted to say yes to preserve rationality and reality, but my emotions screamed out no.

This dilemma paralyzed me. I realized I couldn’t just write it down and think over it during the next philosophical appointed time. This is because I think to the Father (pray) when figuring stuff out. I couldn’t or was not willing to challenge this practice. I watched my thoughts become willing to cast off my entire paradigm structure to preserve this one practice.

Fortunately, I started thinking rationally, and looked up online if atheists ever prayed. I found many examples, and realized my fears were unfounded. This is because the almost infantile dependence I found myself exhibiting to this practice of prayer was an overarching desire for connection with something greater or all-encompassing. This is where my source of all purpose resides. I realized that this belief I held was not the Christian understanding of the divine, per se, but rather something beyond myself, be that collective consciousness, the energy of the universe, or a spiritual dimension.

Now, I firmly believe at the present time that collective consciousness, the energy of the universe, and a spiritual dimension all flow from my Christian understanding of the divine. But this belief can be challenged and even overturned without me losing my belief in an ultimate connection.

In saying this I want to take back what I said in a previous post about atheists not believing in an afterlife. While many don’t, it is certainly not illogical to do so. Check out this article by Steve Pavlina, an atheist of sorts, for some intriguing thoughts on life after death.

To me, everything else in life pales in comparison to having assurance with regards to eternal life. This is sometimes the only pursuit I can fall back on when tending toward depression. This can give meaning to everything else in life.

I am going to begin with the assumption that the New Testament Gospels are historical. Not just that they have been accurately preserved, but that they represent literal history. I know this is a huge assumption, and I will give evidence and logic for why I believe this in a future post.

Some things I don’t believe are necessary for me to find true assurance are the belief that the Bible is inspired (however you define that) or the use of the other books of the New Testament. I will use both of these ideas (though I define the first one differently than most) to flesh out and expound upon how assurance fits into our daily lives, but they are not the source upon which my assurance is based. So, here is my logic about finding assurance:

1. Jesus claimed to be the Son of Elohim (Matthew 26:63-64). If this claim is true, I feel safe in believing the words he speaks.
2. Jesus predicted that he would be killed and raised to life the third day (Matthew 16:21). If this prediction came true, it would be amazing evidence that his claim to be the son of Elohim was true.
3. Jesus was resurrected as he predicted (Mark 16:4-6). This provides good confirmation that Jesus’s claim to be the son of Elohim is true. Therefore, I feel confident in trusting what he says.
4. Jesus said the only way to get to heaven was by following Him (John 14:2-6). This statement can only be true or false. Since I trust what Jesus says, I must only look to him to obtain assurance of eternal life.
5. Jesus said to make every effort to be saved because many would try and fail (Luke 13:23-24). I didn’t say this; Jesus did. So, I believe it is true. I don’t think obtaining assurance about salvation is necessarily going to be easy.
6. Jesus said those who follow him will be saved (John 10:9). Based on the last point, I don’t think following Jesus/Y’shua is a simple action you take or just some bad things you avoid, I think it is a lifestyle of following his teachings, which are many.

The question then becomes, what does this lifestyle look like? In a nutshell, it is following the commands of the Christ. There will be much variety of opinion on how best this is done. If you want to know my take on it, please see my statement of belief, or my blog posts on scriptural commands, here and here.

Now what commands to start with? This is where, though I don’t principally base my assurance on them, we can be helped out by looking at the book of Acts, which is the history of the early church after Jesus’s ascension, as well as some of the epistles in the New Testament. All of the commands and instructions in these books are also in the gospels. However, some seem elevated over others, so it makes sense to start with them. Three in particular stand out to me:

1. Believe in your heart that Elohim raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 10:9-11). This is one of the things I mention in my post about what the word ‘Christian‘ means, which is believing in the bodily resurrection of Jesus. In order for this belief to be as solid as it needs to be, very strong evidence of the historicity of the Gospels is probably needed. I will provide this in an upcoming post.
2. Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord (Romans 10:9-10). You need to speak your desire to make Jesus lord of your life. I believe this means that if you know His will you will follow it. Of course, it can be very hard to discern HIs will at times, and this is where paradigms such as living in appointed times by faith (also parts two, three, and four) and following the spirit can help.
3. Repent and be baptized for the remission of sins (Acts 2:38). I believe repentance, which is a lifestyle of turning away from the lusts of the flesh and turning towards obeying Christ’s commands, begins with baptism, which I believe should be done by immersion. I would do this for the reason stated in the reference, namely the remission of sins. I will cover baptism more thoroughly in a separate post.

What is the difference between salvation assurance and eternal rewards? I will cover this at a later time, but my short answer is that rewards equates to the length of time we have salvation assurance. For example, the thief on the cross I believe had assurance of salvation, but I believe his eternal rewards will be much fewer than Paul’s.

So, do I believe it is possible to know with 100% certainty that you will receive eternal life? Well, I believe it is theoretically possible (I John 5:13), but I am not looking for or expecting to have this. Like anything else we “know” in life, I am not looking for 100% certainty, but rather a certainty that is beyond a reasonable doubt. For example, I believe beyond a reasonable doubt that the earth is spherical. It may not be (just ask the Flat Earth Society), but though I do allow the possibility of being wrong about this, this does not concern me in the slightest. I am trying to find the same level of assurance about salvation. And for me, I have.

I believe that it is likely (though not imperative) that you or I will fail occasionally in living this lifestyle. Not fail at what we don’t know, but fail at what we do know and violate (Romans 14:23 or James 4:17). However, I believe that when I sin, I will be convicted about it and will not be able to really enjoy that failure. I will not be at peace and regain the fullest measure of salvation assurance until I start living consciously again and following what I understand at that time to be the Father’s will.

Do I believe that we lose our salvation every time we sin? No, but I do believe we lose our assurance of it, or at least the fullest measure of that assurance. I don’t use my conviction of sin as an excuse to continue in sin, lest though I have taught others, I myself should be a castaway (I Corinthians 9:27).

Each month I make a monthly challenge for myself. This past month’s challenge was to not judge other people. The biggest way this benefited me was in making me more aware of when and how I am judging other people. This includes the jokes I make, the prayers I say, the musings I have, the opinions I express, and the agreements I give.

Do I think the ideal life is one of not judging others? Absolutely not! I feel the ideal life is one where all my judgments of others are righteous (John 7:24). This means a few things:

1. I have already judged and corrected myself. I usually see in others the faults that I possess. My first priority should be correcting my own life before meddling with others.
2. I realize everyone else is living for the same thing I am living for. I am living for personal fulfillment. So is everyone else I know. If I acknowledge this, I don’t view someone as bad or irritable, but simply misguided at worst if they disagree with me.
3. The only reason I judge others is to help them. I will not judge someone mentally or verbally unless I believe by doing so I can help them become a more fulfilled person. I will only tear down in order to build up better. 
4. I am able to realize a person’s awesomeness despite their beliefs with which I disagree. What this means is that before I judge someone I discover the good qualities they possess and form a positive image of them based on these. Then, my judgment is balanced out by all the favorable impressions I have formed of them already.

This attitude of no judging has also affected my prayer life. I used to pray for what I felt people needed mostly, which is a judgment of them. Though I still do this, I now include much more praying for what I think people would want me to pray for them. This makes me excited to see them so I can find out more of how I should pray for them.

All in all, this adventure with being non-judgmental of others has been productive. Please see this post and this post for more thoughts on judging others.

I know that by nature I tend to be a reserved and calculated person. For this reason, I doubt I will ever do a month of ‘thinking before every action.’ I do this a lot already. even with the most mundane of activities. However, I would like to increase my confidence level, and I believe one of the best ways to do this is to just purpose to be more decisive, especially with smaller decisions. The ground rules for this challenge are pretty simple.

• Make “minor” decisions quickly. This includes most of the decisions I make on a daily and weekly basis. This does not forbid thought, but the thought should be quick and straightforward and an action taken promptly. No deliberation (and I know what that is)!
• Make “major” decisions with productive thought. Longer thought processes may be used for more important decisions.This still does not allow for lengthy deliberations. Moreover, there should be no brooding (unproductive deep thought).
• Categorize “major” and “minor” decisions quickly. Don’t try to figure out what parameters make an action major or minor, just quickly put each decision you face into one of these categories. If you are not sure, think of it as minor.

What decision I make or what action I take is not what is important here. The goal is to make the decision and take the action promptly and decisively.

This month may force me to rely a bit more on my instincts. I think this will be good in balancing out my very reason-oriented outlook on life.

I have been trying to find a good balance on caring what other people think of me, specifically my appearance. On the one hand, the desire to be seen favorably by others is good and useful, particularly to increase the depth of your relationships and further your career. However, feeding this desire too much can cause excessive anxiety and an overfocus on trivialities.

I think I have finally settled on something I will call punctuated oblivion. This is a recognition that though in a general sense, I do want to be concerned with others’ perceptions of me, in specific incidents I don’t want to let these concerns paralyze me. To put it another way,  in a third-person sense, I will be aware of what others think of me. However, in a first-person sense, I will be oblivious toward their thoughts of me.

So, when will I be oblivious and when will I be conscious of this? For starters, this will work nicely with the appointed times I already have in place. During each philosophical appointed time, I will allow and even encourage myself to really care what others think of me, so I can make changes for the better. I will also make a quick mental preview of the upcoming week, and think about what I will do in the situations where I might lapse into caring what others think of me.

Once I enter into a scientific appointed time, I will simply try to follow the plan I established during the philosophical. Beyond this, I will try to be as unconcerned about what others think of me as possible. I will do this by really putting all my energy and attention into the activities I want to accomplish each day.

Very important to all of this is what I intend to do with my thoughts. There will be things I want to accomplish with my thoughts as well as my actions. For example, I want to pray for certain people each day and each week, as well as have different scripture passages I think upon and recite to myself. This is not a burdensome list, just some things to have my mind focused on rather than blank and prone to exaggerate the opinions of others.

The last aspect of this paradigm is to establish definite times during the week in which to think about and try to improve my appearance (as well as communication and other aspects of who I am) so others will think more highly of me. These times will be strictly monitored to avoid getting stuck brooding about something. So, for example, I will probably allow ten minutes in the morning before I leave for the day to care what others think of my appearance. After this, however, I will become oblivious of this and just try to apply myself 100% to the activities at hand.

If no one else was around, all I would care about would be function. I would not care how long or short my shirt was or the pimples on my face. So, the majority of my time throughout the week I will attempt to just focus on fulfilling my plans and reaching my goals for that day or week as if no one else was around.

One final note: this punctuated oblivion only goes one way. Meaning, I will still be considerate of others feelings and try to love them as myself. So, if something I am doing is aggravating someone, I will stop. However, I will do this not because I care what they think about me, but because I want them to be happy. The focus will be on them, not me.