A Month of Daily Journaling

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To start off, I want to recognize that I have neglected to post for a few months. My last challenge of drinking tea mindfully ended 2 months ago. Very briefly, what did I learn from this challenge:

  • I enjoy the idea of drinking tea much more than the actual practice – This is something I subconsciously already knew, but became readily apparent about a week or so into the challenge. Don’t get me wrong; I do enjoy having tea, but I much more enjoy thinking of myself as a tea drinker. Why this is the case I am not entirely sure, but I think it probably has a lot to do with my correlation of tea drinking to mindfulness.
  • I would like to use this as a way to have new sensory experiences – This is definitely true. I get very excited whenever I hear about a type of tea I haven’t had previously. If I’m being honest, my genuine attraction to tea is sensorial. With this in mind, I would like to focus more on experimenting with different types as a way to incorporate new sensory experiences in my life rather than using it as a mindfulness practice.
  • If I really want to practice drinking tea mindfully, I need to use a much smaller mug – There are many times I like having a large mug of tea. Peppermint is one of my favorites for this purpose. However, as a mindfulness exercise, having a much smaller cup that I sip out of instead of drink would be preferable.
  • I miss tea houses – I did not go to them very often when I lived in Houston, but I liked having them around and the atmosphere they provided. Where I live now, it is only about coffee. There are even tea rooms I looked up that don’t have any type of tea listed on the menu!

For this month, I am going to do something simple and straightforward, yet at the same time something that requires discipline and reflection. I have had passing thoughts of keeping a journal on multiple occasions in the last couple of years. Most prominently, I contemplated starting a chronic pain diary and/or depression/anxiety diary. More recently, however, I decided what would be most helpful for me is to have a motivation journal. The biggest challenge I face today is dealing with my chronic low motivation level, so this will be the primary focus of the journal I am starting.

Here are the details of this month’s challenge:

  • Have at least 5 minutes of reflection on my motivation level sometime during each day. This could happen during my morning communion run or check-in, at the end of the day before retiring to bed, or while I am journaling. Basically, I want to make sure that I am reflecting on my motivation level regularly. I would like this practice to continue whether or not I stick with journaling.
  • Write something down each day. It can be as little as 3 sentences. I downloaded the desktop application ‘Digital Diary’ yesterday to have a simple program I can use to record my journal entries. I can use my keyboard or my computer microphone to input my thoughts. When I have journaled in the past, the hardest part was just deciding to sit down and write something. Once I did that, I generally would have to stop myself from writing a novel. So the focus is not on amount, but consistency.
  • Put up a blog post once a week to share with the world. I have been desirous of increasing my blog posts from once or twice a month to weekly for some time. This will be a perfect opportunity to start reaching this goal without having to put much more time or effort into it, since I will simply be sharing some of my journal thoughts from the week.

I am greatly looking forward to this monthly challenge. If this or any of my monthly challenges inspires any of my readers to do something similar, I would love to hear back from you and to know if there is any way I can support you.

Namaste.

Month of Drinking Tea Mindfully

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This monthly challenge is inspired by a blog post I read years ago by Leo Babauta. I could not find the original article, but please check out his blog. It was one of my biggest motivations to starting this blog.

This month I would like to up my tea drinkage, but more importantly cultivate an activity to practice mindfulness each day. Ever since I began my health journey and especially when mindful living became a major part of that journey, I have felt a sense of power and peace at the mental image of drinking a cup of tea. This image and the feelings it evoked have remained constant regardless of whether or not I actually consume tea on a regular basis or even at all.

I would like to experience the full breadth of feelings that can come from mindfully drinking tea. At this point, making tea still seems like a minor chore sometimes. Therefore, I would like this challenge to shift my experience of making tea from a deliberate action to an automatic one, and possibly become part of the baseline routine of my life. Whether that ends up being the case depends of course on how the month goes.

Here are the details:

  • Choose a mug before the first day of the challenge – This will be my special tea-drinking mug for the month. I want to choose one that vibes fullness and equanimity AND that is the appropriate size – not too big nor too small. I purpose to treat the mug with the same reverence that I want to experience while drinking from it. Once I finish a cup and wash up, I will store the mug in a special place.
  • Make a mug of tea each day of the challenge – This is pretty straightforward. Sometime between when I wake up and go to sleep each day, I want to prepare a mug of tea. The most likely time candidates are first thing in the morning and last thing before getting in bed. Another possibility is after a meal, especially one I am eating alone. However, any time is fine as long as I make at least one mug per day.
  • It’s about drinking tea, not preparing it – I have researched and experimented with tea meditation previously. Usually this involves mindfully doing every activity from the intent to prepare the tea all the way through to the washing and putting away of the tea mug. The goal is to make the entire experience a space to practice and enjoy being fully in each moment. My challenge does not concern the tea preparation or cleanup. I am primarily focused on the tea itself and cultivating the ability to savor the sensory experience.
  • Do the act mindfully, but not necessarily meditatively – I absolutely love Jon Kabat-Zinn’s definition of mindfulness: awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally. This is a mindset we can have regardless of what we are physically doing. Meditation, on the other hand, is an exercise designed to help us reach a state of pure awareness, where we remove ourselves from being caught up in our emotions and thoughts and simply observe them from a 3rd-person perspective. I practice meditation at least once a day both formally and informally. This challenge, however, is about cultivating a spirit of mindfulness that I can carry with me through the rest of my life. It is perfectly okay to follow and explore whatever thoughts or emotions arise in this scenario, or to just BE if that feels right.

I will conclude this post with this quote by English essayist Thomas De Quincey:                                     “Tea… will always be the favorite beverage of the intellectual.”

Namaste.

Evaluation of my Month of Daily Gratitude & No Gossip

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A couple of weeks ago I ended my monthly challenge of daily gratitude and no gossip. I use the word ended instead of completed or finished for a reason. While I learned a lot from the month, in no way did I conquer or fulfill the challenge. A big part of the problem was my screen addiction reasserting itself after my 30-day long hiatus the month before last. Some part of me felt I had ‘broken’ my addiction and while still considering it an issue, thought it was on the way out. I couldn’t have been more wrong; in retrospect this seems obvious. However, other problems aside, let’s discuss my successes, struggles, and observations from this previous month.

Daily Gratitude – For this portion of the challenge, I had created 4 specific objectives, which you can review here. The first week of the challenge I happened to be residing at my brother Brian’s house in Bryan, TX. I had intended to just spend the weekend, but Snowvid had other plans. The environment this created (no power, unable to travel, surrounded by kids) was coincidentally perfect for cultivating gratitude. I specifically remember one morning going for a walk and to meditate. On the way back to the house, I became enraptured with a feeling of connectedness. Reflecting on the experience later, I realized that the several inches of snow on the ground completely erased the normal boundaries that existed – between road and field, between field and yard, between forest and clearing – everything was connected on one huge white landscape. It was breathtakingly beautiful and evoked natural vibes of lovingkindness.

This first week was overwhelmingly successful. I expressed gratitude to various members of the group I was interacting with for that week, as well as texting and calling other family members to express gratitude. I loved using the gratitude app I had installed before the challenge and posted several pictures alongside my entries. I was grateful to Nia (my sister-in-law’s lab) for being my walking and meditation partner, I was grateful to Eden for being my yoga partner, and I was grateful to myself – a practice made easier by the introduction of lovingkindness meditation.

However, as all things eventually do, this week ended, the snow cleared, and life returned to pre-snowvid normal. I found myself much less naturally disposed to gratitude, and the renewed use of technology combined with my recently ended ban on screens, reignited my screen addiction.  If there is one thing screens seem to be very effective at for me, it is zapping my instinct or desire to be grateful. I’m not sure why this is, but I definitely notice the more I am around screens (whether productively or destructively) the less prone to gratefulness I am.

For the last 2 weeks of the challenge, my commitment remained very low. I would think about gratitude usually several times a day, but actually using my gratitude app or sending a thank you text to someone or just noticing and appreciating beauty in my life was a huge struggle. When I did push through the resistance, I experienced great rewards, namely an enhanced sense of well-being and a feeling of connectedness with not just the person or object of my gratitude but people and objects in general.

No Gossip – This part of the challenge I was much more successful at fulfilling. Because it involved a negative action rather than a positive one, it proved less difficult to maintain in my more depressed state of mind. The gist of this part of the challenge was to not talk about people who were not present in the conversation. I was mostly going for avoiding rumors that cast those discussed in a negative light, but was more broadly trying to make conversations exclusively about the people involved, not random third-parties.

The biggest lesson I learned about gossip is that it takes the focus off of enjoying conversation with another human being and converts it into a festival of judging and flattering. I noticed that whenever I felt the urge to gossip, it was usually because I was uncomfortable, bored, or empty and wanted a quick fix for that. Generally, however, my previous feelings would simply be converted into self-righteousness, frustration, or pity. To use Buddhist language, I had moved from aversive energies to explosive energies. Neither are optimal.

What am I going to continue moving forward?

  • Gratitude app – I plan on continuing to use my gratitude app on a daily basis. I am also exploring some of the other features on the app – affirmations, daily zen, and vision board.
  • Gratitude days – Once a month, I would like to have a ‘gratitude day.’ During the course of the day I will purpose to have a grateful mindset and express gratitude to as many people and in as many ways as possible.
  • News only on Philosophical Appointed Times (PATs) – I definitely found being more disconnected to news and politics seemed to correlate with increased gratitude and less negativity. While I like staying up on current events, I think I can adequately do so even if I just follow or listen to news on weekends.
  • Limiting “positive” gossip – Only positively speak about other people not present in the conversation once per day
  • Justifying “negative” gossip – Never negatively speak about other people not present in the conversation unless absolutely necessary and ultimately for the purpose of edification

May my life be filled with gratitude. May I live in peace with others.

Namaste.

Evaluation of my Month of No Screens

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This completion of my ‘month of no screens’ is a milestone for me! I know now I can survive and quite enjoy doing it without movies, TV shows, or videos of any kind, AND with minimal use of computer and phone. Although I still feel the urge to watch, I can treat it as just that: an urge. I acknowledge it without judgment and then move forward self-compassionately and one-mindfully. Generally, the urge dissipates rather quickly if I do this.

The month was not without its problems. However,  I didn’t let my failures, big or small, prevent me from getting back on track and finishing strong. From a middle-path mindset, I label this a huge success! I would like to document the most relevant struggles I had and the lessons I learned from them.

  • 3-year-old function overload – In the Meyer’s-Briggs personality system, every person has a cognitive function stack that is basically their base operating system. Personality Hacker describes this as the car model, comprised of the driver function, passenger function, 10-year-old function, and 3-year-old function. My 3-year-old function is extraverted sensing which deals with gathering new data from the outside world, something which can quickly overwhelm me. About a week into the challenge, I signed up to get some health insurance and was bombarded with texts and calls from insurance agents trying to sell me plans. After a while, the distress reached a critical point and I fell back into avoidance behavior. I started with just binge-listening to a sci-fi audiobook, but when I finished this, I gave into the craving for a TV show and flew through a few episodes. After this disaster, I finally realized what would have been the effective response in the first place: self-compassion. This was the only major upset I had this month.
  • Computer work – I had a lot of trouble with the ‘no more than 10-minutes consecutively at the computer’ rule at first, since it seemed to disrupt my focus and flow. However, a week or two into the challenge I adjusted the parameters to 10+2 minutes and this worked remarkably better, as I was able to tie up any immediate loose ends in the remaining 2 minutes after the 10-minute timer beeped.
  • Self-pleasuring aid – Regular sexual activity contributes both to one’s physical and mental health. I believe doing so in a committed relationship is ideal, but doing so casually with a partner or by yourself is preferable to abstinence. I did use YouTube videos for this purpose a few times, but only utilized audio and not video.
  • Forgetfulness – More than a few times, I forgot to start a 10-minute timer when I sat down at the computer. Most of these times, at least, I did have the intention to start it but just didn’t press the button. When this happened, some visceral sensation would usually kick in after about 30 minutes that something was out-of-the-ordniary, namely, my using a computer for more than 10 minutes, which would prompt me to check my timer and see I hadn’t started it or, more rarely, simply realize that I didn’t think about it at all before starting.

What do I want my relationship with screens to be like moving forward? I have developed a few simple rules that I think should be effective.

  1. Only watch videos for the purpose of entertainment on Philosophical Appointed Times (PATs). This means absolutely no entertainment from movies, TV shows, or other videos during the bulk of the week. I believe abstinence in this regard, considering my addiction, is crucially important for me.
  2. Don’t watch videos for more than 1hr at a time during PATs, and make sure there is an activity or activities that take at least one hour between viewings. I am not ready at this point to completely remove all movies and TV shows from my life, but I am going to be vigilant about strictly regimenting my time spent in this regard.
  3. Only watch subscribed YouTube channels during meals and for no more than 30 minutes per meal OR no more than 1 hr per day. I have a number of different channels that I am subscribed to for educational purposes +/- some entertainment that I am going to continue watching, but only during meals. I don’t want this to become a new addiction now that I have cut out cinema.
  4. Use computer for no more than 30+5 minutes at a time. This amount of time still allows me to regulate my usage of the computer and do so when needed and important, but not as a default if possible.
  5. If on & off computer completing a task, spend no more than 1 hr + 10 minutes at a time on the task that involves utilizing the computer. This is basically just an addendum to the previous rule that gives more flexibility if I am working on a project but not strictly at the computer.

If I don’t follow any of the above scenarios, which is highly possible, I purpose to not judge myself, but use the experience as an opportunity to practice self-compassion and learn whatever I need to from the failure.

Namaste.

A Month of Daily Gratitude & No Gossip

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February 12th is the first day of the 12th luni-solar month and thus the start of a new challenge for me. This one is inspired by two sources. The first is a book I have been reading religiously the last few weeks titled Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff, in which she mentions the power gratitude has in tricking your mind to be happy, because practicing gratitude and experiencing pleasure have similar pathways in the brain. Of course, gratitude is also beneficial in its own right and the book suggested starting a gratitude journal.

The second source is the podcast Secular Buddhism by Noah Rasheta. In episode 26, entitled ‘Want to be happy? Practice Gratitude’, Noah talked about the power of gratitude in everyday life and challenged his listeners to 10 days of intentionally expressing gratitude to at least one person per day. Buddhism and self-compassion both heavily involve mindfulness, which is defined by Jon Kabat-Zinn as awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally. I feel like gossip in many contexts can be the epitome of non-mindfulness, and it made sense to pair practicing gratitude with avoiding gossip.

Both gratitude and gossip need to be defined in order to effectively meet this challenge. Gratitude: the thankful appreciation of what is valuable and meaningful to oneself. Gossip: casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.

So without further ado, let me define the parameters of the challenges. I’ll start with the daily gratitude agenda:

  • One gratitude journal entry per day in Gratitude app on phone – I recently downloaded an app called Gratitude: Journal, Affirmations & Vision Board. I’m interested in the affirmations and vision board as well, but this month will be focusing on the journaling part. It gives you prompts to help you out and allows uploading pictures along with your entries. I prefer this over a physical journal, since I can use voice dictation.
  • One expression of gratitude to another human being per day – Every day I will find at least one person to whom I will express gratefulness for something. I may not always be able to practice this in the most organic fashion, but I want to exercise my gratitude muscles so they can be more easily used in any situation naturally.
  • One self-expression of gratitude per day – This one is fairly self-explanatory. The one thing I will add is that I need to say it out loud, not just think it inside my head. This helps actualize my intention so I can experience the full benefits of practicing gratitude.
  • One non-human expression of gratitude – This may seem a little silly, but it was mentioned in a recent podcast so I thought I would try it out. Basically, this means expressing gratitude to (not about) a plant, animal, or inanimate object (your car, shoes, etc.). For example: “Toe shoes, thank you for being so comfortable and functional for my feet; it would be difficult to operate without you.”

Now onto the gossip challenge:

  • Avoid talking about people not present if no pressing need to do so
  • Use only neutral language (non-judgment-laden), tone of voice, and body language when talking about others who are not present
  • Avoid listening to any news commentary (headlines only) and discussing news or politics with others
  • Don’t affirm or deny other people when they gossip; just be non-responsive and switch the conversation to be more present-focused when able to do so

That’s it folks. I’m looking forward to starting a new challenge. After my meditation practice this morning, I experienced a giddy sense of excitement that today was the last day of the month and I would be starting a brand new adventure tomorrow. If you feel you could use more gratitude and/or less gossip in your life, I encourage you to take this challenge with me or create a simpler challenge such as writing down something your are grateful for every day for a week.

Namaste.

A Month of No Screens

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I feel the need to say ‘hello’ or something before just jumping into my blog post since it has been eons since I last wrote anything. So, “Hello!” Welcome back to my life.

I have become increasingly aware of my addiction to screens the last couple of years. It has eaten up hours and hours of my time, became an avoidance method when I was depressed or otherwise emotionally distressed, and has also given me eye strain and tension headaches (the latter occurring most prominently after extended binge watching). For all of the above reasons and also because I have recently become much more committed to living out my Buddhist philosophy, I determined a couple of months ago that one of the most beneficial things I could do for my mental health (not to mention other areas of life) would be to challenge myself to a month-long screen fast.

This is not a decision I made lightly. TV, youtube, and surfing the web had become my safety blanket. It was what I defaulted to when I became overwhelmed with life or myself. I knew stopping an addiction this massive cold-turkey might cause more harm than good. So, I have been slowly weaning myself off since October, with longer and longer times between viewings, as well as shorter viewing periods, all corresponding to a predetermined schedule. It has been a bumpy road, but I have slowly built upon small successes and am finally ready to take the plunge.

January 13th is the 1st day of the 11th luni-solar month. My challenge will start then and continue until the next new moon day. Here are the specific parameters I will need to follow:

  • NO media. Absolutely NO watching of any media (TV shows, movies, youtube, etc.) whether by myself or with others.
  • Severely restricted general usage. Only using computer for checking email 2x/day, weekly blogging, PAT research, and searches/tasks related to financial purposes.
  • Time-locked engagement. Never using the computer for MORE than 10 minutes at a time.
  • Restricted phone usage. Only using phone for calls, alarms, sleeping podcasts, and unforeseen “emergencies.”
  • Time-locked communication. Having ALL calls be under 30 minutes in length.
  • Use non-screen sources for music.  This can be CD’s, radio, or just me creating beautiful sounds on the piano and violin.

If you read this and empathize with my struggle, I would greatly appreciate a short email, phone call, or even better, a physical letter during this time validating my experience and perhaps sharing about a struggle you are facing in your own life if you are comfortable doing so.

Namaste.

Christian Buddhism

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I haven’t written on this blog in years… literally. However, it is high time for me to get back to it. Today, I would like to announce my recent self-induction into Christian Buddhism and before you start googling to find out what the heck this is, it isn’t anything officially. This is my own creation, though it is rooted in the core principles of Buddhism with multiple distinctly Christian themes thrown in.

Before I start laying out what my newfound philosophy/religion entails, I would like to give some backstory. I was a Christian, albeit of several different varieties, from the age of six until the age of 25. My evolution from Christian to atheist took place slowly over the course of about 2 years. At some point, I would like to give a detailed history of this, but for now it will suffice to say that I gradually found my Christian beliefs to be more limiting than empowering overall.

After formally leaving Christianity, I bounced around between Christian atheism, secular humanism, apatheism, and pandeism. You can look all these terms up if you would like, but even though they mean different things, they had very little influence on my day-to-day lifestyle or beliefs, so I am not going to spend time discussing them.

I have struggled with mild to moderate depression every since I can remember. My depression became worse since I started to experience chronic pain and gave up what used to be the love of my life – music. However, I did a fair job of coping until I entered dedicated study time for STEP 1 of the USMLE. For those unfamiliar with it, this is the first big (8-hr) exam in medical school testing knowledge learned over the first 2 years.

Ever since I started having carpal tunnel syndrome followed by chronic back pain, I began to spend more and more time watching TV and movies, something I had done very little of prior to this time. Eventually, it became one of the only things I could really enjoy doing without pain. Previously, I had a whole host of outlets that I used to have fun and de-stress. These included reading, running, socializing, playing games, and practicing my instruments.

After restarting college with a goal of applying for medical school, reading became associated with studying (something that had not really happened during my music degree years) and my residual carpal tunnel symptoms after surgery precluded me from enjoying holding a book more than 15 minutes anyway. Running I gave up after my rehab and pain specialist told me that due to how tight my muscles were (despite excessive stretching), I was probably further worsening my back condition.

I stopped going to socializing events because of my fear that my back pain would spike and I would end up being miserable the whole time or having to leave prematurely. Really the only times I thoroughly enjoyed socializing were when I could do it while walking or hiking, which didn’t happen very often. Playing games also became something I just didn’t really enjoy, unless they were outdoor activity games.

I experienced a love/hate relationship with my instruments (especially violin) ever since my carpal tunnel and back symptoms started appearing in my early 20s. After I finished my degree in music performance, I basically stopped playing altogether, with the exception of a few small gigs and leading music at a small church. Once I started medical school, these residual musical activities ceased as well.

Basically, all the things in my life that I had previously used to bring me pleasure, unwind, and cope with the stresses of life had been ripped away from me. What filled the gap? More TV and movies. Instead of socializing, reading, playing games, running, and practicing my instruments, my default for everything from pain to stress to depression was to binge watch a good TV show. It became a full-blown addiction though I didn’t realize it as such until my dedicated study time for STEP 1.

During this time I had what in medicine we call a major depressive episode. Though I had been chronically mildly-moderately depressed for years, I had never before had an episode like this. Basically, for about 1 month, I had a severely depressed mood, lack of interest in anything other than binge-watching TV shows, erratic sleep, guilt for not being more productive, lack of energy or motivation to get out of the house, lack of concentration to study, lack of appetite, a general feeling of sluggishness, and the desire to not be alive.

Needless to say, I did extremely poorly on my STEP 1 exam. During this time and immediately afterwards, I realized I needed a major change in my life. This is when I discovered the basics of Buddhism. Eventually, by incorporating some of the most empowering aspects of my former Christian faith and some of my own life lessons, I developed what I now call Christian Buddhism. So, what is this?

The basics of Buddhism are well-expressed in this article: https://www.unhcr.org/50be10cb9.pdf. So please reference this if you are unfamiliar with this philosophy. I affirm 95% of what is in this article and don’t need to rehash what has already been expressed so well other places. However, although these principles gave me what I found to be a solid logical bedrock to build upon, they did not specifically address my current guilt and depression, which was and is my biggest challenge.

There are a lot of Christian beliefs and traditions that I find to be more limiting than empowering. However, the most pivotal concept of Christianity is one I find deeply empowering and is one of the reasons it took me so long to leave the religion. This is the concept of a fresh start, encapsulated by II Corinthians 5:17 (KJV), “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

My application of this concept is to view my existence before my self-induction into Christian Buddhism as a previous life and to consistently reference it as such. This allows me the freedom to learn from my previous life’s lack of consciousness without viewing it as part of my identity, which dissipates much of the guilt, bitterness, and self-loathing I used to harbor. Specifically, I can distance myself from my previous life’s poor posture and focus on music performance over health and this contribution on my current state of chronic pain. I can distance myself from my previous life’s incredible amount of wasted time and effort doing religious disciplines like praying, memorizing Scripture, and evangelizing. Most recently, I can distance myself from my previous life’s academic failures.

None of these events in my previous life are part of my identity. I view them strictly from a third-person perspective. These things do not define me in the slightest because I am a new creation. My current life started at my self-induction into Christian Buddhism. This for me is probably the most empowering belief I hold.

The second major Christian influence that I incorporated into my philosophy is penance. However, penance for me is not about paying for my sins, but about operant conditioning. If you are not familiar with this concept in psychology, please reference this article: https://www.verywellmind.com/operant-conditioning-a2-2794863. Basically, I have set up predetermined actions and fines with accountability partners that I impose on myself if I fail to maintain a lifestyle of consciousness.

Based extremely loosely on the 10 commandments in the Old Testament, here are the 10 commandments of Dansciousness (Dan-consciousness):

1. Never undercut accountability partners (one executive, one judicial).

2. Only hold self-legislative session on philosophical appointed times (PATs).

3. Commit thoroughly to your philosophy.

4. Safeguard the sanctity of the Sabbath.

5. Prioritize family relationships.

6. Have confidence in your weekly plan.

7. Always make time to respect yourself.

8. Be active during scientific appointed times (SATs).

9. Reject absolutes.

10. Don’t let anyone other than yourself determine your identity.

At some point in the near future, I would like to delve into each of these commandments and explain how I specifically apply them, but this blog post is already too long, so I will let them stand on their own for now. I would also like to address my recently discovered 6 core values fulfilled by 5 core identities and my 2 life lessons, but this too can wait for a later time.

The only other aspect of my philosophy of Christian Buddhism that needs to be addressed now is my 4 starting commitments. I felt that to make my philosophy mare tangible, it made sense to make some commitments concurrent with my self-induction. These are briefly detailed below:

1. Only watch media for the purposes of entertainment (TV, porn, news, youtube) on PATs and then not for more than 1 hour at a time (no binge-watching). This is a very important commitment considering my history of addiction in this activity. I don’t feel it wise to completely eliminate this activity at this point, so relegating it to particular times and amounts makes sense.

2. Never, under ANY circumstance, drive more than 4 mph over the speed limit, and ALWAYS prioritize safety over efficiency while driving. It just is not worth the risk! I almost always drive above the speed limit because the longer I sit in the car the more my back hurts. I also try to learn Spanish while driving or otherwise be productive. However, if I ever feel like I am less than alert while driving I will do what is necessary to correct it immediately, whether this involves driving in silence, slowing down, or pulling over to rest.

3. Meditate for 10 minutes every day. Preferably, this will happen outside, barefoot, on grass, when the sun is out. However, this is not always possible, so my commitment is to always get in 10 minutes of meditation, even if there is no grounding or sun involved.

4. Maintain at least a 90% clean pescatarian diet. Clean means specifically no trans-fats, high fructose corn syrup, or processed sugar. Generally, it means as few artificial ingredients as possible. Pescatarian means the only meat I eat is fish. I think it unwise in most cases to follow any diet 100% unless there is a specific medical reason for it.

So, in a nutshell this is Christian Buddhism. The 3 universal truths, 4 noble truths, and eightfold path combined with the Christian concepts of new creation and penance + the 10 commandments of consciousness and starting commitments which are unique to each person.

A Month of Ambient Music

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Ever since I read a biography of Mary, Queen of Scots listening to a CD of Bach music selections, I have decided to not do the ambient music thing. For years afterward, I could not listen to any of those Bach pieces without thinking of 16th century England.

So why the change? Well, mainly because it is always cool to try new things. Secondly, today is (or was depending on when I finish this post) the first day of a new month, so I need to come up with a monthly challenge. Granted, this will be more of an experiment than a challenge, but hey, experiments are good too. Lastly, I want to see if it puts me more at ease and less conscious of back pain.

Recently, it has seemed that I have an elevated level of constant discomfort. Fortunately, this has not been progressing to the point of outright “pain” that often. However, I almost never feel just ‘comfortable’. I feel I manage well enough and will be having a follow-up visit with my specialist tomorrow to discuss the medication I’m on and probably change it.

So, for any and all of the above reasons (newness, experimentation, comfort), I will be on a diet of ambient music – which mainly applies while I am studying. After final exams, I guess it will apply to exercising or working on my websites over the holidays.

As usual, some simple guidelines:

  • Only Classical or pre-classical music selections (meaning no Beethoven and nothing written after him). I enjoy listening to all types of music, whether the gamut of later classical genres, cinematic scores, sound tracks, pop-songs, bluegrass, jazz, etc. However, if the music is to be ambient it cannot be any of the above, because I would getting nothing done other than have an enjoyable time listening to the music.
  • 10am to 10pm. Any time I am in my room during these hours. Currently, I don’t get up earlier than 10am except on Friday when I have to get up before 6:30. This is thanks to the awesome streaming capability that the school website provides to access all the lectures. This will change next semester with more problem-based-learning sessions and shadowing/clinical experiences.

As always, ‘totally free blocks of time’ and ‘philosophically appointed times’ are exceptions. If you don’t know what those phrases mean, then read this and this. Keep in mind as you read these earlier posts, that I no longer hold to some of the statements in them. Like (I hope) everyone else, my thoughts and positions are constantly evolving in little or huge ways.

Anyway, I am looking forward to see how this month works out. Like all good experiments, what the end results will be is definitely a mystery to me at this point.

Apatheism

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It has been ages since I last posted anything on here. I’d like to start up again now that I’ve settled in to medical school. Something I have wanted to post about for a long time but was never sure how is the subject of spirituality. Obviously this is a word than might have as many different meanings as there are people.

I feel a useful definition is “a belief in something supernatural that forms the core of a person’s psychology.” I realize this definition might raise more problems than it solves by introducing the word ‘supernatural.’ However, I don’t think writing a treatise on what is supernatural is necessary in understanding my definition of spirituality.

Whether your understanding of supernatural is cosmic energy, a Creator, nirvana, or any number of other concepts, the root of spirituality remains the same. It is a belief in this idea, God, or meta-narrative that a person uses to fundamentally define who they are.

I also believe spirituality can be charted on a spectrum, with pure spirituality on one side and pure religion on the other. Pure spirituality is a belief in something supernatural that while forming the basis of a person’s psychology has no direct influence on their interactions with other people. That is, this person could potentially have the same lifestyle and actions as someone that did not hold this belief at all.

I feel that pure spirituality is fairly rare; usually it is mixed with some degree of religion. Religion is the actions a person takes as a result of their belief in something supernatural.

Pure religion then would be a set of actions inherited from a religious system or spiritual understanding that a person practices without any regard for the original belief that generated these actions. That is, a person who practices pure religion could have a totally separate psychology and belief system which has nothing to do with their actions. They inherited a list of rules and practices that they follow rigidly without any supernatural belief for doing so.

Now the reason I am defining these terms and introducing these concepts is to be able to elucidate my journey out of spirituality. Don’t get me wrong. It is not that I journeyed to a different point in the specturm; rather, I left it altogether.

I have the deepest respect for the psychologies that people use to define themselves. One of the unique aspects of the human species is the psychological need for ‘meaning,’ as vague or arbitrary as this may be. I am no different from any one else I know in this regard.

However, what I have discovered through my own experiences and reflections, is that I find meaning and base my psychology on certain principles and beliefs that are not supernatural in origin. One does not leave or enter spirituality lightly; and my journey out of it is a very long story.

What I want to accomplish in this post, however, is not to explain what I have left but what I have entered. I titled this post ‘apatheism’ because if asked about what my position on God, spirituality, or the supernatural is, I would say I am an apatheist. I like this somewhat colloquial defintion I found for apatheism:

At some point something happened and somehow something or someone was created and somehow I, a bunch of other people, and a lot of other animals got here. I can live with that.

What this means is that I just don’t think about these subjects that much anymore. If I find someone that is fulfilled with their life and points to some type of spirituality or religion as the reason why, I think that is awesome, as long as their actions don’t harm or infringe on other people’s freedom. If someone finds fulfillment with their life and points to something non-spiritual as the reason why, I think that is also awesome, again as long as their actions don’t harm or infringe on other people’s freedom.

I will admit I don’t have that much love for people who make it their life’s work to attack religion and spirituality. I also don’t have much love for people who use their combination of religion and spirituality to impose restrictions and judge people who aren’t where they are. But at the end of the day, I find it much more beneficial and interesting for me to talk about the values I choose to live by and always be learning and adjusting these values based on my interactions and experiences with people, whether spiritual or not, that I have the pleasure of getting to know.

Since I have already used up more space than I like in a blog post, I will outline my current beliefs and values without much description, with the expectation of elaborating more in future posts.

People I talk to generally find my philosophical underpinnings rather boring, which I get – it can be a heavy subject. So, let’s skip right to the important stuff. Put simply, I find meaning in health. I divide health into three tiers:

Tier 1

  • Physical: diet, exercise
  • Mental: meditation, weekly paradigm
  • Career: study, documentation of my involvement in some type of leadership role, community service, shadowing, research, and other education

Tier 2

  • Emotional: long-term goals (MedVoices.net and popular opinion yearly updated dictionary), monthly challenges (planning on getting back to these next month)
  • Relationship: keeping up with family and friends, dating
  • Social: Toastmasters, miscellaneous weekly events
  • Medical: yearly checkups, dental work, pill schedule, occasional massage or other therapy
  • Service: at least a once a month event (looking into joining a group helping the homeless)

Tier 3

  • Societal/Political: Wolf-Pac, voting
  • Environmental: practicing daily conservation in the ways I can

I hope my readers take away something positive from this post. As always, comments are welcome. Peace and love.

A Month of Relative Neatness

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Early last year, I completed a monthly challenge of keeping my surroundings orderly. I learned a lot and did fairly well, but it did not really stick after the month was over. For the next month, my focus is going to be similar, but with a different twist. Instead of trying to keep everything orderly all the time, or following general principles of neatness, I am going to adhere to just a few very specific and easy rules that I hope will stick once the month runs out.

What this means is that I am not aiming for neatness, so much as relative neatness. My surroundings may be in varying degrees of order, so long as I follow these rules.

  1. Any time I enter one of my living spaces (basically bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen area) after not being there for more than a few hours, do 30 seconds of tidying up.
  2. Any time I leave on of my living spaces after being there for more than an hour, do 30 seconds of tidying up.
  3. Move my already scheduled time each day for industry (fancy word for clean up) higher up on my priority list (right below exercise).

These rules are fairly simple and will not make me feel stifled – like I cannot ever leave a book or shirt on the bed. Let us hope that this allows me to more consistently ward off the 2nd law of thermodynamics.